Monday, August 8, 2011

MY HOMEMEGALOPOLIS: LOS ANGELES AND ME - Part 4 Of 6

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HOORAY FOR HOLLYWEIRD

It long ago occurred to me that Hollywood (as opposed to West Hollywood) must almost assuredly be the single most disappointing tourist destination in the entire world. True, in Hollywood you’ll find the famous Chinese Theatre, where so many movie premieres took place during Hollywood’s “Golden Era” and the hand and foot prints of past stars are preserved in the courtyard entrance; and yes, you’ll find the well known “Walk Of Fame”, where the names of celebrities are embedded in stars that are embedded in the Hollywood Blvd. sidewalk.

And that’s about all you’ll find that is noteworthy in this run-down, grimy part of town with it’s cheap souvenir shops, liquor and dirty book stores.

And the biggest disappointment of disappointing Hollywood must certainly be the world renowned intersection of “Hollywood And Vine”. How many tourists from Iowa and Nebraska must have traveled all the way to Hollywood And Vine, thinking they might see celebrities walking the streets there, only to find that they, the tourists, were the classiest, most wealthy looking people at the intersection.

Here’s all you’re likely to find strolling the vicinity of “Hollywood And Vine”: Pimps, Prostitutes, Drug Addicts, Winos, Teen Runaways, Stray Dogs and Feral Cats. Tom Waits was close to the truth when he renamed the intersection "Heartattack And Vine".

Below is a photo of the world famous Hollywood And Vine intersection. A block north of Hollywood on Vine is the unique Capitol Records building, looking like a stack of records with a needle on top. Otherwise, this is just a filthy little meeting of old streets.
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Well, OK, yes, it's also true that you'll find The Hollywood Bowl in Hollywood. That’s pretty much the only touch of class remaining in that decrepit, depressing part of town.






The Beatles at The Bowl:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ve-MAfdahI&NR=1

In his lyrically masterful song “Emotional Weather Report”, Tom Waits tells us that “It’s colder than a ticket-taker’s smile at the Ivar Theatre on a Saturday night.” That’s a brilliant line, particularly when you’re aware that at the time Waits wrote it, the Ivar Theatre, located in grungy Hollywood, was a strip joint:



A lot of musicians are generally thought of as being associated with the city of L.A. One of the more successful bands was The Doors. In 1985, 14 years after lead singer Jim Morrison’s death, keyboardist Ray Manzarek directed a video for the classic Doors’ song “L.A. Woman”. Here’s that video, which captures the Hollywood scene better than does that brochure you got from your travel agent in Omaha. [Watch for the cool ‘L.A. Signs Segment’, which includes my Downtown “Jesus Saves” sign mentioned in Part 1.] :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-wgIht3roA&NR=1

Below is the “EGENDS OF HOLLYWOO” photograph of me. It was taken in front of a large Hollywood mural. Look closely and you’ll see me standing in the bottom right corner in front of a partially visible painting of James Dean:



One night in 1981 or '82, my friend Dean and I went cruising the crappy streets of Hollywood, listening to Bruce Springsteen's first album, in Dean’s VW van. We’d pull up to the curbs and I’d light the firecrackers and toss ‘em out at the feet of pimps standing on the street corners. One pimp actually gave chase, but a well-timed U-turn in a busy Hollywood intersection finally shook him off our trail. FUN! [Dean at left in the photo below, me on the right.] :



High in the hills above Hollywood stands the "Hollywood Sign". Along with the Statue Of Liberty, the Liberty Bell, and Mount Rushmore, it is one of the most universally recognized icons of the United States. :
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On New Year’s Eve 1979, I sneaked up to the Hollywood Sign for the first time, and I touched every letter. I was up there alone in the dark when struck and the ‘80s began, telling myself that this was destined to be my decade; before it was over, everyone would know the name of the actor Stephen T. McCarthy. WRONG!
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Over the years, I took various groups of friends up to the Hollywood Sign with me, but one of the more memorable episodes was that same night that Dean and I drove around Hollywood, throwing firecrackers at pimps. When we got tired of that sport, we bought a bottle of whiskey, jumped the fence, and hiked up to the Hollywood Sign.

At the moment the sun came up over Downtown L.A., Dean and I were side-by-side, hanging over the crossbar in the middle of the letter “H”, passing the whiskey bottle back and forth and talking about the big plans we had for the future.

Below is a rare photo taken from behind the Hollywood Sign and showing you the view south. That’s what Dean and I could see, as we hung drunkenly from the center of the first letter in "Hollywood". In the distance on the left, you can make out Downtown Los Angeles:
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The sordid underbelly of the Hollywood / Los Angeles scene was never better captured than in the songs found on the first and only David & David album "Boomtown".

Few Rock stars really have anything meaningful to say, but David & David not only had something authentic to say, but they said it with skill, creativity, and imaginative musical arrangements. “Boomtown” was one of the best debut music albums ever released by anyone, and it perfectly captured my mood in 1986. It speaks of angst, depression, failure, hope, and feeling “All Alone In The Big City”.

Here's a video for the title track, filmed in various L.A. locations. It'll teach you what sort of sound money makes. [That gal being helped out of the limousine isn't feeling any pain, is she?] :
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97wvwuHUMCw

WEST HOLLYWEIRD - WHERE THE REAL ACTION IS

All the native Angelenos like me know that there is a distinction to be made between “Hollywood” and “West Hollywood”. West Hollywood is generally that part of the Hollywood district of Los Angeles that lies West of La Cienega Boulevard (or Fairfax Ave. to be more technically correct and generous).  

This is the home of the legendary “Sunset Strip”, where you’ll find famous music venues like The Roxy, and the Rock star hangout, The Rainbow Bar [both seen in the Sunset Boulevard photo below] :



Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood is also home to the famous Whisky-A-Go-Go, a nightclub with a rich musical history dating back to the Psychedelic ‘60s. Every band on its way up has played “The Whisky”. I saw a number of bands there in my day, one of them being The Police, as their song “Roxanne” was just beginning to get a little airplay on the L.A. alternative station KROQ. :



It's on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood where you really might see celebrities walking along the street, drinking in the bars, or eating in the restaurants. You won't necessarily see Jesus there, but you might see a famous actor or actress with an expensive cocaine habit. :



And certainly you will see Rocky and Bullwinkle on Sunset Blvd. A statue of them stands in front of the production office where the all-time greatest cartoon was fashioned. (At least I hope it's still there.)



Anyone remember Sweet’s big mid-‘70s hits, “Fox On The Run” and “The Ballroom Blitz”? Both songs came from their "Desolation Boulevard" album. And pictured behind the band on the album cover was a segment of Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. So, the truth is out: "Desolation Boulevard = Sunset Boulevard”. Perhaps now you’ll be able to get some sleep. :



The Hyatt House hotel is on Sunset Blvd. right where La Cienega meets up with it. Innumerable Rock stars have stayed here, and back in the days when you would find Jim Morrison, the Rolling Stones, and Led Zeppelin smashing its rooms, the place was nicknamed "The Riot House".

The post-tour party that the blokes from Spinal Tap attend at the end of the movie "This Is Spinal Tap" was filmed on the roof of the Hyatt House. I just happened to recognize the swimming pool and the roof area.

Because of his sardonic wit and twisted humor, and his ability to really turn a memorable phrase, one of my favorite musicians associated with the city of Los Angeles was Warren Zevon. In his song "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me", Zevon sings:

“Well, I met a girl in West Hollywood / I ain't naming names / She really worked me over good /She was just like Jesse James ... Well, I met a girl at the Rainbow bar / She asked me if I'd beat her / She took me back to the Hyatt House / I don't wanna talk about it.

Ha! You gotta love it!
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Below is the Hyatt (Riot) House:
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Also on Sunset Blvd. is the "Sunset Grill", the subject of Don Henley's song of the same name. I remember the night in 1985 or '86 that my friend Lin Coleman and I were driving around town with an open keg of beer in the back seat of her VW bug (the mother of all "open container" charges). We pulled up to the curb right in front of the Sunset Grill to pour ourselves another beer.

That's where we were when Lin - who was in film school - finally talked me (who apparently had consumed a beer too many) into playing the lead role in the screenplay about Jim Morrison, which I had written for her film school final project. It was the last bit of acting I ever did, and called it quits immediately after filming was completed.

Incidentally, Lin went on to become a film editor in Hollywood and her credits can be found HERE.



Below is a photo of L.A.’s second “Hard Rock Café” (the first being the "real deal" on Skid Row and made famous by the back cover of The Doors album 'Morrison Hotel'). Note the Cadillac sticking out of the roof:



THE TROUBADOUR is a live music venue on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood. In the late '70s, my friend Eric and I practically lived in this club on the weekends. The Rock music and entertainment history of this place is absolutely incredible. Click the link below the photo and check out all the stuffs that The Troubadour is known for.

But just for starters, here are some events that occurred at “The Troub”: Lenny Bruce was once arrested; the members of the Byrds first met there; Joni Mitchell made her L.A. debut there; Cheech and Chong were discovered there; Janis Joplin partied there the night of her death; Tom Waits was discovered; Van Morrison recorded some of his live album “It’s Too Late To Stop Now” there; Don Henley first met Glenn Frey at one of The Troubadour's bars, and John Lennon got thrown out of The Troubadour one night. And that’s just a small taste of The Troub’s rich history:



http://www.troubadour.com/histor

"The Sad Cafe" is a song by the Eagles about the golden years of Doug Weston's 'Troubadour'.

In the liner notes to the CD set "The Very Best Of The Eagles", Glenn Frey wrote the following about "The Sad Cafe":

The title comes from the book by Carson McCullers. I love the title, which didn't have anything to do with the song, other than it was a great title. The line that really resonates for me in that song is "I don't know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free."

There were so many of us aspiring musicians hanging around at the Troubadour. Some nights when Doug Dillard got drunk enough, and Gene Clark got drunk enough, and Harry Dean Stanton got drunk enough... near closing time... they would all start singing. There would be these unbelievable impromptu versions of  "Amazing Grace" -- all sorts of Ozark spiritual things with the whole bar singing...

That stuff really happened. We were getting older (when we wrote the song), and there was a sadness because we had seen, close-up, that everybody's dreams don't come true. Or, at least, not in the way they think they're gonna come true.

And Don Henley had this to say about it:

A train used to run down the center of Santa Monica Boulevard, right outside the Troubadour. Steve Martin actually had a routine where he'd get the entire audience to exit the club, hop a flatcar on that slow-moving train and ride up to La Cienega, a few blocks east. Then, everybody would hop off and walk back down to the club together.

I don't think that happened very many times -- maybe not even more than once or twice, because the railroad people didn't like it. It was kind of dangerous and there was liability involved. Still -- and I don't want to over-mythologize -- it was something to remember. That was a wonderful time in Los Angeles. The city was alive with magic and a sense of possibility. People were warmer and more open than they are now.

Then, of course, there was the dark side. Friends and acquaintances of ours (from that era) had begun to meet untimely ends -- classic cases of "too much, too soon." It was either that or "too little, too late." So we were struggling to make sense of that dichotomy, that contradiction. Is fortune a good thing or a bad thing, you know? Is being fortunate, before you're ready to accept it and deal with it, actually fortunate -- or is it unfortunate?

We were struggling with our own success -- riddled with feelings of guilt and unworthiness. I think a lot of young artists feel that way. We always identified with that great song "Fakin' It," by Paul Simon. It takes many years and lots of experience for a man to get comfortable in his own skin. But the Troubadour, Dan Tana's restaurant, the train -- all those things served as a great metaphor for the search, the journey that so many of us were on.

I can fully understand the feeling that Don Henley is attempting to express. But for me, the basis of that feeling - those magic memories - are associated more with a group of guys than it is with one particular place. The guys called themselves "The League Of Soul Crusaders", and I'll expound more on them in the next installment.

At the opposite end of the spectrum from The Troubadour, and in West L.A. rather than in that district of L.A. known as West Hollywood, was CLUB 88 :



CLUB 88, where a lot of non-talent-havin’-Punk-bands pulled the wool over the glassy-eyes of a lot of non-brain-havin’-teenagers of Los Angeles. Heck, I once even saw my own Cousin sing there with his band 'Sex And Violins'. That was before my Cousin sold his soul to the devil and suddenly showed up at my apartment one day with a tape of new songs recorded with his new band, The Zone, and his vocals and his band blew me away.

It was suddenly apparent to me that my Cousin was a REAL singer/songwriter and that he had far greater than Club-88-level talent!

Jim Morrison had summed up the entire Punk Rock movement message in two sentences nearly a decade earlier, and he expressed it far better than any of the countless, talentless Punk Rockers ever did:

“I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer.
The future’s uncertain and the end is always near.”
~ Jim Morrison in ‘Roadhouse Blues’

I never once met a Punk Rocker who wasn’t a poseur.

Transport yourself to Part 5 by clicking here: The Waybac Machine

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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MY HOMEMEGALOPOLIS: LOS ANGELES AND ME - Part 5 Of 6

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L.A. IS MY LADY, AND MY LADY IS A SONG

This segment of our Los Angeles tour is comprised entirely of L.A.-related music videos. Let’s enjoy a short musical interlude, shall we? We’ll get back to more photos and exciting stuffs in the 6th and final installment. But for now . . .

ROCK ON! . . .

A list of songs primarily about or that merely reference Los Angeles would be huge and it would include Oldies, like "Palisades Park" and “The Little Old Lady From Pasadena” to several Steely Dan numbers from the Classic Rock era, to Rap/Hip-Hop and beyond.

Some of the more well known songs pertaining to L.A. and the state that the city was founded in are Sheryl Crow's  "All I Wanna Do", Led Zeppelin's "Going To California", "Walking In L.A." by Missing Persons, and "Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns N' Roses. And then there's the little known "L.A. Blues" by Iggy and The Stooges, which pretty much makes Guns N' Roses sound like Barry Manilow.

But I like none of those five songs!

However there are some songs mentioning my homemegalopolis that I dig a great deal. To begin with, I have said for decades the song that probably ought to be declared "The Official Song Of Los Angeles" (with Olvera Street in mind) is the one found playing in the video below:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O5Q9tYJaHs

Of course, a lot of other native Angelenos would argue with me that Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." should be named the official song of the city.

I don't think I ever owned Randy's "Trouble In Paradise" album, but my great friend Pooh did. We used to sit in his second floor pad and drink along to his copy of it. My favorite song was "I'm Different", but I did enjoy "I Love L.A." also.

In compiling the stuffs to put this tour together, I found the video for "I Love L.A." at YouTube, and I watched it for the first time in about 27 years. I was thrilled to be reminded of two locations which I'd long forgotten had appeared in that video:

Remember the old "Jesus Saves" sign in Downtown which I told you in Part 1 had meant so much to me long ago? Well, it makes an appearance in Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." And there's also a quick shot of the "Tom's #5" sign.

Tom's #5 was a 24-hour burger joint located on Pico Boulevard, one block from Santa Monica Beach; you could tell how well the surf was breaking from the corner where Tom's #5 stood. Many's a night, after the bars were closed, me 'n' the boys would head to Tom's to get a big order of their greasy chili fries. Hey, man, when it's 3 AM and you're falling-down liquored-up, even Tom's #5 chili fries tasted like filet mignon!

I almost squealed with delight when I saw the Tom's #5 sign in Randy Newman's video - a video that I now appreciate far more than I ever did when it was getting played every 30 minutes on MTV in 1984. In fact, with my 20/20 hindsight, I'd have to say that Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." video is one of the top two or three music videos ever produced. Talk about images that capture the spirit of a song, this is it!

What's not to love? Disneyland, Venice Beach, a convertible on the open highway, and a "big, nasty redhead" at your side. Hokey-Smoke and Hoo-Wee! Sign me up! . . .



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBOQiMxwk1o

One thing I find rather amusing about the "I Love L.A." video is the streets that Randy Newman chose to name off: Century Boulevard, Victory Boulevard, Santa Monica Boulevard, Imperial Highway, and Sixth Street.

Are you kidding me? If someone asked me to name some of the most notable roads in the L.A. area, only Santa Monica Boulevard from Randy’s list would have had a shot of making my list.

Sheesh! Where was Wilshire Boulevard? Sunset Boulevard? Venice Boulevard? Pacific Coast Highway? La Brea? Heck, even Lincoln Boulevard, Mulholland Drive, and Pico would have made my list before Sixth Street!

Nevertheless, it’s a fabulous video, and I’m thinking that Newman’s street choices may have been his way of winking at those of us who really knew better.

By the way, while I was surfing YouTube, I happened upon a homemade video for Randy Newman’s song “I Love L.A.” which I also enjoyed. It was created by a girl calling herself raffistewardx3, and I thought she did an admirable job, especially considering that she had never even been to L.A. I made several attempts to post her video here, but for whatever reason, the system Just Said, "No”. Regardless, here is a link to raffistewartx3’s video, which is worth a look:
I LOVE L.A!! =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt2JxseNxZ8&NR=1

There have been more than a few songs to reference L.A. that I've liked, but two of my favorites are relatively unknown. First there is Brian Setzer’s retro-sounding, film noir-like original “Hollywood Nocturne” from his ‘The Dirty Boogie’ album. Musicians are always called in to write musical scores for movie screenplays, but in this case, the music almost demands that someone hire a writer to compose a screenplay for it:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HfU77rYmJ8

Another little known song I like is “California” by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band. How this song failed to chart in Billboard’s Top 40 in the late ‘70s I’ll never understand:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjMf2bFG7YU&fmt=18


WHERE’S WALDO WARREN?

The very next time someone approaches you and says, "I'll bet you ten bucks that Warren Zevon never sang his song 'Frank And Jesse James' at the Griffith Observatory", you'd be a fool not to take that bet. Here's all the evidence you'll need to win the wager:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAuY8rEtugw&NR=1

If he had never written another tune, I'd still be declaring Tom Waits a genius songwriter! In his almost impossibly clever song "Emotional Weather Report" (I don't explain if you don't understand), he sings of "gusty winds at times around the corner of Sunset and Alvarado".

Also appearing on his live album, 'Nighthawks At The Diner", is the song "Better Off Without A Wife". In the spoken introduction to that song, Waits says: "I've always kind of been partial to calling myself up on the phone and asking myself out. ... Well, one thing about it, you're always around. Yeah, you ask yourself out, you know, some class joint somewhere - the Burrito King or something. ... Well, I ain't cheap, ya know!"

Here's the connection: On the Northwest corner of Sunset and Alvarado is The Burrito King, one in a chain of cheap fast-food Mexican joints in the L.A. area. (Incidentally, no matter where you are in Los Angeles, you're never more than a few blocks from someplace where I've had a drink - even when you dine fine at the Burrito King on Sunset and Alvarado.)

But it seems Tom Waits was not the only Rock star who appreciated the Burrito King "where the dogs of society howl". In this rare video below from 1977, Warren Zevon, another L.A. songwriter with a cult following, took a film crew from Amsterdam on a tour of Los Angeles, introducing them to The Burrito King.

When Zevon tells them the Burrito King serves "some of the finest Mexican-American food in Southern California", I assure you he is being facetious (not that there's anything wrong with the Burrito King - all of my 'first and last' dates started there!)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6yVA5PHLn8&feature=player_embedded

[If you've been playing these videos that I've so generously provided you with, then perhaps you noticed that the Burrito King sign also managed to sneak its way into Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." music video as well.]

In this clip below, from the same televised special, Warren Zevon points out Malibu and Hollywood from the Griffith Observatory; Linda Ronstadt bitches 'n' moans in Malibu; and Bonnie Raitt extols the threads at 'Frederick's Of Hollywood':



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbhxK21qjrA&NR=1

OK, we'll wrap it all up with some interesting stuffs in the 6th and final installment.

Transport yourself to Part 6 by clicking here: The DeLorean With A Flux Capacitor

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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MY HOMEMEGALOPOLIS: LOS ANGELES AND ME - Part 6 Of 6

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I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA DOGS

Below are photos of three Los Angeles dogs I have loved.

This first one is a little ragamuffin I saw wandering around on the Venice Beach Boardwalk one day, where I snapped his picture. When my brother Napoleon saw this photograph recently he said, "What, did he just stand there and pose for you?" I answered, "Yeah, pretty much."

The red bandana marks this little guy as more "dawg" than "dog". And as Nappy noted, this Venice Beach Dawg is the sort of dawg who kind of belongs to everyone in a way:



Here’s a photo of me petting Mickie through one of the windows of the Bay Street house. As brother Nappy once said: “Mickie is part Shepherd, part Keeshond, and part Pain-In-The-Ass”. Mickie was a blast – we loved him – but he was also certifiably crazy:



Ahhh, GEORGE! The greatest and smartest dog that ever lived! We found him wandering on our Orange County street and gave him a home. The photo below was taken in the alley behind our house in Garden Grove.

On the left is a neighborhood friend, Donny, I believe; on the far right is my little brother Napoleon (as my dear friend the Flying Aardvark once said: “He looked tough even back then!”); and in the center, with his arms around George, is my Pa.



THE LEAGUE OF SOUL CRUSADERS

As I've mentioned numerous times on my blog, "The League Of Soul Crusaders" is the name that my great group of friends and I called ourselves in the early 1980s. We were sort of a “drinking gang”, known for our wild, partying ways.

This photo below shows us riding in the 1964 Cadillac belonging to Torch (seen driving). This was taken on July 4th, 1983, in L.A.’s Brentwood area. I can’t say more about it now because… well… this story might possibly be worth big money someday.

Left to right is: me, Twinkie, Wally, Nappy, and Pooh . . .



Below is a photo of some of “The League Of Soul Crusaders” waiting in line for Bruce Springsteen concert tickets in downtown Santa Monica.

I can’t remember if this was for “The River” tour or the “Born In The U.S.A.” tour. At any rate, we waited in line overnight, and ordered a pizza.

“Where did you want this pizza delivered?”
“Give it to the guys on the sofa at the corner of 4th Street and Colorado.”
“What?!”
“You heard me. Now move it!”

Left to right: Brother Nappy’s shoes are visible at the far left, bottom. Then that’s Lin Coleman standing; me sitting on the arm of the sofa; Twinkie’s blonde girlfriend; Pooh in the glasses; and Cranium’s sister, Liz:



Below is a photo of me, sleep-deprived and hungover, still waiting for Springsteen tickets on the morning after the night before.

[If you were waiting in line with us… sorry about that. I know you didn’t get a minute’s sleep, but you were partying all night with 'The League Of Soul Crusaders', whether you liked it or not.]



Zucky’s was a 24-hour restaurant/delicatessen located at 5th Street and Wilshire in Santa Monica. ‘The League Of Soul Crusaders’ wound up many a wild night by going to Zucky’s for a bite to eat.

Although it never worked out that way . . .







One year, my artist friend, Eric, helped me to silkscreen by hand a Zucky’s T-Shirt design I had created for my ‘League Of Soul Crusaders’ buddies. I gave them the shirts as Christmas gifts.

They read: Home Of The League Of Soul Crusaders - ZUCKY’S - Open 24 Hours – Santa Monica, Calif.

What made the T-shirts so funny is the fact that... well... they didn't like us at Zucky's. They didn't like us at all!
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HODGEPODGE O' STUFFS

Below is the Turn-Of-The-Century street façade at 20th Century Fox studios in Century City. It was constructed for the movie musical “Hello Dolly!” If I had a dollar for every time I walked up that street... I worked on the television show M*A*S*H during the final 5 years of its run, and this was the route to Stage #9, where the show was filmed.

Perhaps someday I’ll write a blog bit about that portion of my old life.

In the background and to the right can be seen the Century City Towers, where my great friend the Flying Aardvark works today:



The cover for Pink Floyd’s album “Wish You Were Here” was shot at Warner Brothers Studio. This is also where James Dean’s movies were filmed, as well as John Wayne’s last Western, “The Shootist”. . .



Not long ago, my friend and former ‘League Of Soul Crusaders’ member Cranium sent me this video about shopping on “The Westside” of Los Angeles. Oh, life can be so hard! This is the only Rap song I’ve ever liked, and that’s because it’s the only Rap song that ever made me laugh. This is funny stuffs – check it out:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UFc1pr2yUU

Below is a picture I took while with my acting buddy Marty (R.I.P.) during one of our many Photographic Expeditions in L.A. I can no longer remember just where I took this photo, perhaps in Century City or Culver City, but the dichotomy of the scene caught my eye:
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It’s long gone now, but the Pan Pacific Auditorium was a fascinating structure. I once saw an Ice Capades show their with my Aunts when I was a small boy . . .



Below is a picture I took of the Pan Pacific not long before the remaining façade was razed. I was attempting to get a unique shot of it, and thus positioned myself on the knoll before it, so only the four towers would show:



Located on Sunset Blvd. just before it empties onto the Pacific Coast Highway is the Lake Shrine Self-Realizationship Fellowship Temple. Sunday worship services are held in the windmill chapel . . .



The Watts Towers, a wonderful example of Folk Art, is located in – you guessed it!Watts.



In the Long Beach area is the Vincent Thomas Bridge. On one of our Photographic Expeditions, Marty and I went down to Long Beach and a couple of friends accompanied us.

In getting down there, we drove across the Vincent Thomas Bridge. Later, we signed up for a boat excursion that took us under the bridge. Later still, it occurred to someone (and I think it was me) that if we took the helicopter tour, we could fly over the bridge as well. So that’s what we did.

That was decades ago, but I still remember that as the day we went across, under, and over the Vincent Thomas Bridge all in a matter of a few hours. Coolsville!




Here is a picture of Santa Catalina Island. Nappy, Dean, and I once spent 3 days and 2 nights in its little town of Avalon. There was only three of us, but we partied like it was the entire 'League Of Soul Crusaders'. I’m pretty sure the authorities are still searching for us!

Unfortunately, it hadn’t occurred to any of us that we might need a place to sleep. So the first night we slept in a small park near the boat dock.

In the morning, the police said we can't sleep in the park - what a shame. So the next night we hiked to the top of the hill (at left in photo below) and slept on a concrete slab we found up there:




HELL. A.

Let’s not forget that I eventually moved out of Los Angeles for a reason. When I was growing up there, it really did seem like a paradise.

But with the influx of people over the years, the tone of the city changed. By the late 1980s it had become an overly crowded and angry place, and I finally said, “Uncle!” At that point, I had begun referring to the city as “HELL. A.” and in 1992 I left.

Below are a few examples of why I thought L.A. had become HELL. A.

For one thing, there's something called "Smog":
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And, of course, it was L.A. that gave us the “Valley Girl” :
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufYYOXiEtxM

Whereas congested traffic was once referred to as a “Rush Hour”, traffic was now congested most of the day and all week long. What do you call that? A “Rush Year”? :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KeyQWszZfU

Shortly before I moved to Airheadzona, I had begun to feel more and more like William Foster, the character Michael Douglas played in the movie “Falling Down”.

Here is a scene from “Falling Down” that I almost stood up and cheered for in the movie theatre when I saw it for the first time [“I’ll give you something to fix.”] :
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8b3963VRW4

And then, of course, there was “The Rodney King” riots:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPrt57EXRk



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc_SgpyJWRY&NR=1

Will anyone ever forget these words? They've become a part of the American lexicon:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sONfxPCTU0


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT2rb7ac3_4
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Toward the end of my love affair with Los Angeles, no song summed up my viewpoint better than did "How Much Is It Worth To Live In L.A.?" by the great Waylon Jennings:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhJYV1Fzq14

THIS IS THE END

"This is the end
My only friend
The end"
~ Jim Morrison,
(from the song "The End")


 

From the "Boys Will Be Boys" department . . .

Stephen T. McCarthy [after drinking too much Ouzo]:
"Andy, I've got it! Why don't you take a picture of me, and we'll rig it to look like you caught me in the act of peeing."

Kelly "Andy" Anderson [after drinking too much Ouzo]:
"Out-friggin'-standing! Go over there and make like you're doing it on that engine I've been rebuilding."

Eleven months before he killed himself, my friend Kelly "Andy" Anderson sent me a photo post card he had developed himself. On the front was that picture of me with my pants down, which you saw above. On the back, Kelly had copied an Untitled, two-stanza poem I had written years earlier:

The sun yawned and thought about calling it a day
Kelly and I sat at the entrance to his garage on gasoline cans
His old truck looked beautiful, parked with the last of the sun’s rays
Glinting brightly on the dings and dents
And the cavity where an engine belonged.

I loved Kelly and his truck and I loved myself
And the blood in my veins, the heart in my chest, pumping
The beer in our bottles dwindled, just liquid sand in an hourglass
A lovely moment
A short reprieve

And then my friend signed off with this:

I miss those moments, and I miss those friends.
Hope you’re OK.
Blue Skies
- Andy
Nov. 8, 1985





I do miss my friends... and sometimes I miss L.A., too.

I hope y'all enjoyed my tour, and to quote from one of Warren Zevon's zongs:

Well, they say this place is evil
But that ain't why I stay.
'Cause I found something that'll never be nothing
And I found it in L.A.

It was midnight in Topanga
When I heard the D.J. say,
"There's a full moon rising,
Join me in L.A."

Heck, I never even took you to Topanga Canyon on this tour, did I? Well, maybe next time. There's far more to see in L.A. than I could possibly cover even in 6 installments.

To go back to Part 1 and begin the tour all over again, click this link: The Waybac Machine

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

“METHOD WRITING”: How To Improve Your Writing And Get Thyself Published

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This is a blog bit consisting entirely of writing about writing because, really, you just can’t have too much of this sort of crap in the Blogosphere.

Everywhere I look in the Blogosphere I find unpublished and self-published Wannabe Writers from the ‘Wannabe Writers Happy Club’ posting blog bits advising others how to improve their fiction, polish their manuscripts, make their characters more believable, develop their stories, put more pop in their plot, more zing in their thing; and how to compose an attention-grabbing query letter and land an agent (without bruising her feet).

Then - despite all previous warnings against it - I got to thinking. And what I thought was this: Heck, I’m not a published writer, so my writing advice is every bit as valid as that which is being dispensed daily by all those Wannabe Writers from the ‘Wannabe Writers Happy Club’. Why don’t I write an educational blog bit for Wannabe Writers? One in which I share with them my secrets for improving their fiction, polishing their manuscripts, making their characters more believable, and so on and so forth, up to and including popping, zinging and bruiseless landings.

So, that’s what this is.

And you will find my blog bit of writing about writing to be superior to the others written by unpublished writers because I am able to convey to you EVERYTHING you ought to know in one easy lesson. You won't need to return here week after week to catch yet another installment of writing about writing, as you do at the blogs of all those many members of the ‘Wannabe Writers Happy Club’ who spend more time writing about writing than they do WRITING. Read this once and yer done! What could be simpler?

METHOD WRITING

The most important thing I have to pass on to you is my own patented way of writing which I call “Method Writing”.

Before you can grasp the idea behind Method Writing you must first have an understanding of Method Acting. Most people are familiar with the term “Method Acting”, but unless you have been trained as an actor, chances are you may not really understand what the term implies.

In a nutshell, Method Acting is a form of thespian behavior in which two women undress and… No, wait! Check that.

Method Acting is a form of thespian behavior in which an actor utilizes (“dredges up” would be a better way of saying it) the memory of personal life experiences and applies them when appropriate to the role he or she is playing on the stage or in a movie. For example, let’s say you’re playing the part of a man who despises his mother. At some point you might want to think back and get in touch with those feelings you had when you were six years old and your mother told you to stop playing with your food, but you kept at it until she bitch-slapped you right out of your chair. Recalling how that felt, you can then mentally apply it to the character you are pretending to be in this play or film.

Oftentimes, Method Actors will also impose physical pain or discomfort upon themselves in order to achieve a kind of realism. Three of the more famous Method Actors are Marlon Brando, James Dean, and Dustin Hoffman.

Brando played a number of characters who mumbled when they spoke, so when he delivered his lines he would really mumble them. That’s “Method Acting”.

In order to achieve palpable tension in East Of Eden’s ferris wheel scene in which Cal Trask finds himself alone with his brother’s girlfriend, James Dean deliberately did not urinate for some ridiculous amount of time. Yeah, you can clearly see the tension he was experiencing. That boy had to GO!

And then there’s the famous (if not entirely accurate) story about Dustin Hoffman in the film The Marathon Man. At one point his character was supposed to be sleep-deprived and haggard. In preparing himself for that scene, Dustin Hoffman remained awake for two days and nights. When Laurence Olivier saw Hoffman’s appearance on the set, he said to him, "Dear boy, you look absolutely awful. Why don't you try ‘acting’? It's so much easier."

Not all actors use the “abuse yerself Method”. In fact, most do not. I recall the time I asked Mike Farrell, who played B.J. Hunnicutt on the TV show M*A*S*H, how he prepared himself for a scene and he replied: I just memorize my lines and say them.

Ahhh… Tricky!

So, what is my patented “Method Writing” method then? Well, I theorize that when you’re writing, in order to write a really believable piece of writing, you really need to have EXPERIENCED what it is you’re… uh… writing… about.
[Hmmm... Somehow that sentence didn't sound right.]

For example, let’s say you’re writing about a character who hates eating old, moldy bread. You need to first go out and eat some old, moldy bread so you can really write that hatred from experience.

Let’s say you’ve created a character who jumps from a 50-story building and kills himself when the stock he owns in the ACME Dynamite Company tumbles and he loses a fortune. According to my Method Writing method, you ought to, at least once, jump from a 50-story building, so that you will be able to write vividly about that sensation of the wind blowing through your hair, your life flashing before your eyes, and the abject dread of your quickly advancing, impending demise.

Of course Method Writing does not apply soley to human characters. You’re sometimes going to have other types of animals in your stories, too, aren’t you? Well, how can you write about a dog, for instance, if you have no real concept of what it feels like to be a dog?

Go on, get down on all fours, walk around down there and experience that lower perspective. Do a little barking and whining (the barking and whining you’ve done as a human being is of a different sort). Scratch yourself raw, pee on a tree, lick your private parts, and sniff the butts of other dogs. OK, NOW you know what it's like to be a dog and you can write your dog characters as a real authority on the subject.

Now that you’re practicing my METHOD WRITING way, your writing will take on a sharper, more authentic tone. People will believe it now when your Rover character says to your Fido character, “You stink, butthead!”

MISCELLANEOUS ADVICE

Beyond my Method Writing method, here are some random suggestions I often suggest to wannabe writers who ask me to suggest some suggestions that will help them contort their best stories and achieve their career goals:

Your story needs to GO somewhere. Make sure you have plenty of different scenes in your plot. Don’t have all of the action take place in the garage or the bathroom.

If you’re writing a comedy, you should try to make it funny.

If you’re writing a mystery, make sure the story is very mysteriousy, and don’t forget to tell us at the end whodunit.

If this is to be a steamy romance novel, please make sure all of the sex isn’t done on the kitchen table. Your characters need to do it in other places as well. (We’re getting kinda tired of that same old scene where one or the other of the two participants [three, four or five, if it’s an extra hot romance scene] pushes everything off the kitchen table with one swipe of their arm and then both of them jump onto the table like large bowls of lemon Jello.)

If you’re writing a drama, you should try to include a lot of drama.

Make your characters interesting! No one wants to read a novel with a bunch of uninteresting characters in it.

If you’re attempting to compose an attention-grabbing query letter you should put something attention-grabbing in it.

If you’re seeking a writer's agent, write to a lot of writer's agents and ask them if they’re seeking a writer.

If you are intending to write a Science Fiction novel or a Fantasy novel, you should write a historical romance novel about the Civil War instead. (I think it would be better, and besides that, we have enough – ENOUGH! – Science Fiction and Fantasy stories al-flippin’-ready!)

If you are intending to write a historical romance novel about the Civil War, you should make it about the Vietnam War instead, because I think someone already wrote a famous historical romance novel about the Civil War.

If you’re planning to write a historical romance novel about the Vietnam War, change it to World War I, because we’re sick and tired of hearing about the Vietnam War, damn it! Sheesh! Give it a REST! (Also, remove the “romance” aspect from the historical novel. Just the idea of a historical romance novel about some guys in World War I is kind of eew! Don’t ask, and for heaven’s sake, don't tell!)

Don’t forget to include all of the seven senses when you’re writing stuffs. To be considered are: Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch, Female Cleavage and sometimes Y. (Abbreviated: “S, S, S, T, T, TT, and sometimes Y”.)

OK, listen up, Wannabe’ers, this is important: NEVER write a scene in which a man takes a shot to the groin, regardless of whether that shot is delivered by a knee, a ball, a bat, an umbrella, or a frightened turkey on Thanksgiving Day!

Also, NEVER write a scene in which a woman hauls off and punches a man and he hits the floor!

BOTH of these shticks ceased being funny and/or surprising about the same time that America was reveling in “The Summer Of Love” (that was 1967, for you non-hippie types). Either of those actions appearing in a book or screenplay you’ve written is an overt confession that the writer (in this case, "you") is a trite-minded, non-original-idea-havin’-loser. . . . In fact, the very moment you write a scene in which a man absorbs a shot to the “family jewels” or a scene in which a man is knocked flat from one punch delivered by a woman, you “may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what you were intended for.”

When it comes to the professional writing career you’re attempting to develop, “if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”

98.79% of you will never develop a professional writing career. That’s an accurate statistic, and if you don’t believe me (to borrow a line from Casey Stengel), "You can look it up."

[Go ahead, Google it! Type into the search window “98.79% of you will never develop a professional writing career” and then click “Google Search”. See if this blog bit doesn’t show up on the first page of results. When you find it, bring it up and then scroll down to this point where it says “98.79% of you will never develop a professional writing career” and confirm for yourself that 98.79% of you will never develop a professional writing career.]

However, the fact that you are very unlikely to develop a professional writing career is no reason for you to give up drinking. There is nuttin’ in ‘The Rule Book Of Life’ that says only authors are permitted to be alcoholics. Drink! “Drink!”, I say! Just because you feel bad about your failure as a writer doesn’t mean that you can’t feel good.

OK, that’s pretty much all you really need to know in order to join the 1.21% of Wannabe Writers who will develop professional writing careers. So, can we please – PLEASE! – have no more new blog bits appearing in the Blogosphere about improving fiction, polishing manuscripts, making characters more believable, developing stories, putting more pop in the plot, more zing in the thing?

In other words, can we have NO MORE “writing about writing”? If you want to write, just freakin’ write!

I’ll even acknowledge that “writing about writing” is writing. But it’s not Writing writing. You know what I mean? You wanna write? Fine. Stop writing and Write! (Alright?!)

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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Friday, July 22, 2011

REST IN PEACE, ANNIEE [In Memory Of My Friend Linda Haley]

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LINDA HALEY (aka ANNIEE451 / ANNIE McPHEE)
has passed away.

She fought Liberals like dogs fight cats (i.e., she kicked their arses!)

Anniee was a good person and a good friend!

I invite (actually, I urge) you to read my memorial tribute to "Anti-Raffianite Anniee".

You can do that by clicking right HERE. Thanks!

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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Sunday, July 3, 2011

WHAT'S MORE "AMERICAN" THAN AMERICAN GRAFFITI?

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Brother Nappy and I went out to lunch together and found ourselves talking about hot dogs rods, which naturally led to the subject of John Milner's boss, "piss-yellow/puke green" 1932 Ford Coupe from Nappy's all-time favorite movie, 'American Graffiti'.



So then I got to thinking that what with it being the 
FFourth of July   weekend and all that stuffs ["Firecracker! Firecracker! Sis-Boom-Bah!...], why not post a couple of American Graffiti videos to celebrate our Independence from those lime-twisted, gin-drinking blokes in Galleons Lap - or wherever those blokes lived from whom we won our Independence.

OK, this first one is a slide show of Milner's bitchin' car with that classic Booker T. tune "Green Onions" playing for good measure :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muCFwfTKPEY&NR=1

Now here's John Milner (aka "The Lone Ranger") in action on the road. Yeah, the other guy (Harrison Ford) is fast, "but he's stupid" :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFgTMYEaWlc&NR=1



And now here is the movie's funniest (and best?) scene according to Nappy 'n' me. The underaged Terry The Toad attempts to score some "Old Harper - hard stuff" right now, in the hope that he will score later with Debbie, the blonde bimbo he miraculously finds himself spending time with :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ks982-SrMk

Here's hoping we all score something soon.

Y'all have yerself a merry little 4th, and a safe one, too (don't let the Wolfman jack you up!)

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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