Sunday, June 28, 2009

EDJUCATION-R-US: "We B Edjucatin' U." [Issue #2: Rocky & Bullwinkle Trivia]

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Hello, Low IQers [as Bullwinkle J. Moose sez], welcome to "EDJUCATION-R-US: We B Edjucatin' U.; Issue #2: Rocky & Bullwinkle Trivia (Or, Test Yer Knowledge Of Moose & Squirrel)."

For too many years, I have said that The Adventures Of Rocky & Bullwinkle was the cartoon for brainy kids. I’ve said that mostly because, as a kid, Rocky & Bullwinkle was one of my two favorite cartoons, so I’ve been primarily trying to prop up the illusion of my own intelligence. But the truth is that Rocky & Bullwinkle really is one of the most clever and intelligently conceived kid’s programs ever. Rocky & Bullwinkle includes some of the wittiest humor content in the history of TV animation.

It was only after watching these shows as an adult, however, that I came to realize that we kids watching the Moose & Squirrel in the mid-‘60s were missing most of the stories. Perhaps as much as 70% of the material was written to entertain the adult mind, and being youngsters, the best parts of the presentations were going over our heads. Children, of course, are nearly always captivated by any moving cartoon; good quality is not essential. But despite the very poor quality of the actual animation, the writing in Rocky & Bullwinkle is funny, filled with double entendres and sly allusions to (then) current events and politics. If ever there was a cartoon aimed higher than a child’s head, Rocky And Bullwinkle was it.

I remember that when I was a kid, one of my favorite segments was Peabody & Sherman’s improbable trips back in history, and my least favorite was Dudley Do-Right. As an adult, I’ve come to appreciate Dudley Do-Right a little more and Peabody & Sherman a little less. To Stephen T. McCarthy’s semi-adult 2009 mind, the improbable trips in the Waybac Machine are perhaps the show’s weakest link. What I enjoy the most now are the Fractured Fairy Tales and Aesop And Son. I’m also a big fan of Mr. Know-It-All, and the actual adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, of course!

In 1961, the show included introductions by a Bullwinkle hand puppet which would poke fun at celebrities and cultural events. Bragging about his multi-talented self, the Bullwinkle puppet once described himself as a kind of “Sammy Davis with antlers.” In one intro, he told kids how they could have a television set in their own bedrooms: drag Mommy and Daddy’s television into your own bedroom and lock the door. He promised that next week he would teach them about charging admission.

Eventually, however, the Bullwinkle puppet went too far. He suggested that the kids pull the channel-changing knob off the TV, “and that way you’ll be sure to be with us next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that…” Well, when an estimated 20,000 kids did what Bullwinkle suggested, NBC came unglued! The next week, Bullwinkle suggested to the kids that they glue the knobs back on. The Bullwinkle puppet was given the axe soon thereafter. Now that’s funny stuffs!

On to the test, Low IQers. Get your old trusty Number 2 pencil and the back of a bill – gas bill, electric bill, water bill – any bill will do. Read the questions below and jot down the letter of the answer corresponding to what you wrongly believe to be the right answer. At the end of the test, compare your guesses with the correct answers and see how little you don’t know about a show you should know a lot… about. Granted, it’s a difficult test, but don’t cheat by checking out the answers before reading ALL the questions. Remember: cheaters never prosper. Well, actually, one can look around and see that cheaters nearly always prosper. But don’t cheat, ‘cause cheating is wrong with a capital Y! (Y not?)

Because the test is not easy, I’ve been easy on the grading. Alright, let’s get on it:

1: Rocky was born in…
A: Winnemucca, NV.
B: Frostbite Falls, MN.
C: Truth Or Consequences, NM.
D: Slipperysnake, TX.
E: Los Angeles, CA.

2: Bullwinkle attended which college?
A: Wossamotta U.
B: Frostbite Falls Jr. Junior College.
C: M.I.T. (Moosylvania Institute of Technicalities).
D: University of Moosylvania North-Eastern Southwest.
E: Purdy Poly.
F: All of the above.

3: Bullwinkle received a college scholarship to participate in…
A: Football.
B: Baseball.
C: Water Polo.
D: Choir.
E: Rocket Science.

4: Which of these textbooks did Bullwinkle study at college?
A: Dick And Jane At The Seashore.
B: 101 Moose Calls.
C: The Misguided Low I.Q.ers Guide to Moosylvania History, Part IV.
D: The Hardly Boys Mystery Of The Vanishing American.
E: Everyday Stuffs For Practical Mooses.
F: Who’s Who Of North American Moose.

5: When that brainy beagle Mr. Peabody first saw Sherman, the boy was…
A: Being beaten up by other boys.
B: Making mud pies in a puddle.
C: Being used by a blind German Shepherd as a “seeing eye boy.”
D: Chasing cats in the park.
E: Playing polo.

6: Mr. Peabody’s first name is…
A: Hector.
B: Henry.
C: Harvey.
D: Horatio.
E: William.

7: The first time Mr. Peabody and Sherman entered the Waybac time machine together, they traveled to…
A: Ancient Rome.
B: Ancient Africa.
C: Ancient Egypt.
D: “The day before yesterday.”
E: The American Revolutionary War.

8: Boris Badenov answers to…
A: Fearless Leader.
B: Big Bossman.
C: Neckneeda Khrustchev.
D: Captain Comintern.

9: What size shoe does Bullwinkle wear?
A: 22.
B: 20.
C: 58
D: 103.

10: The first famous person Mr. Peabody and Sherman interacted with was…
A: Benjamin Franklin.
B: Wyatt Earp.
C: William Shakespeare.
D: Sir Walter Raleigh.
E: Ulysses Grant.

11: Mr. Peabody and Sherman live…
A: In a New York City penthouse.
B: In a steamboat on the Mississippi River.
C: On a ranch in Wyoming.
D: In a fictional place called Youtopia.
E: In Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.

12: At the time Mr. Peabody decided to adopt Sherman, the boy was living in…
A: The Hardrock Orphan Home.
B: Wilbur’s Home For Wayward Boys
C: A hollow log.
D: A dark alley.
E: A Cave.

13: The population of Frostbite Falls is…
A: 29.
B: 59.
C: 103.
D: 2.

14: Boris Badenov has received a medal for…
A: Burning down an orphanage.
B: Kicking a small dog.
C: Taking candy from babies.
D: All of the above.

15: What exclamation does Rocky frequently use?
A: Hokey-Smoke!
B: Hoo-Wee!
C: Flibbertigibbit!
D: Phfft!
E: Pshaw!

16: The Frostbite Falls newspaper is called…
A: Picayne Intelligence.
B: The Cold Hard Facts Times.
C: The Frozen Gazette.
D: The Icicle Outlook.
E: The Overlook Overview.

17: A good friend to Moose & Squirrel is…
A: Captain Peter Peachfuzz.
B: Professor Yoey O’Dogherty.
C: Special Agent Stanky Stover.
D: Rasslin’ Wilbur Whatchacallit.
E: Elkhart J. Elk.

18: What apparel does Bullwinkle customarily wear?
A: Gloves.
B: Hat.
C: Boots.
D: A Bow Tie.
E: A String Tie.

19: In the first Dudley Do-Right episode, we are told, “At the close of the 19th Century, Canada was overrun with _____ and smugglers.”
A: Canadians.
B: Thieves.
C: Bandits.
D: Villains.
E: Moose.

20: Snidely Whiplash and his band of musicians are called…
A: Guy Whiplash And His Disloyal Canadians.
B: Nelson Spittle And His Band Of Note-Droppers.
C: Lawrence Welch And His Count ‘Em Five.
D: Perry Shlomo And The Sleepwalking Canadians.
E: Elvis Whiplash And The Likeable Villains.

21: What got Dudley Do-Right thrown out of The Royal Canadian Mounted Police?
A: Eating peas with a knife.
B: Disguising himself as Snidely Whiplash.
C: Giving perfume to Nell Fenwick.
D: Riding His Horse backwards.
E: None of the above.

22: Boris and Natasha are from…
A: Pottsylvania.
B: Rooskieburg.
C: United Smelly States of Rodentstan.
D: Villainville.
E: Frostbite Falls.

23: Dudley Do-Right’s horse is named…
A: Horse.
B: Nellie.
C: Horatio.
D: Stanley Steed.
E: Gidyap.

24: The voice of Rocky was provided by…
A: June Foray.
B: Edward Everett Horton.
C: Sterling Holloway.
D: Mary Martin.
E: John Fiedler.

25: According to The World Economic Council, the real basis for our world economy is…
A: Box Tops.
B: Sand Dollars.
C: S&H Green Stamps.
D: Magazine Coupons.
E: Clams.

26: The first lesson taught by Mr. Know-It-All was…
A: How to train your doggy for fun and profit.
B: The ABCs of singing in the key of E.
C: How to pull a rabbit out of your hat.
D: How to capture a pink elephant.
E: How to avoid papa’s paddle and make a fortune in the process.

27: The Frostbite Falls school colors are…
A: Pomegranate and Puce.
B: Hypothermia Blue and Icicle White.
C: Custard Yellow and Nonfat Milk White.
D: Chartreuse and Grenadine.
E: Black and Blue.

28: Rocky is regularly described as…
A: Plucky.
B: Speedy.
C: Quick-thinking.
D: Heroic.
E: Obsequious.

29: The Coast Guard once mistook Rocky & Bullwinkle for enemy agents from a submarine named…
A: Hokey-Smoke.
B: The Bamboozled.
C: Deep Six.
D: The Lulu.
E: Underwear.

30: Nell Fenwick was in love with…
A: Dudley Do-Right’s horse.
B: Snidely Whiplash.
C: The Camp Commander, Smedley Canuck.
D: Her distant husband, “Dear Dan.”
E: Dudley Do-Right.

FOR EXTRA CREDIT:
(*If you get it right, you can add it to your score; if you get it wrong, it does not count against you.)
The first time Boris Badenov encountered Mr. Peabody he…
A: Ran away.
B: Tied a tin can to Peabody’s tail.
C: Attempted to put a leash on him.
D: Tried to swindle him out of $100.

OK, how did you do? Here are the meanings for the scores:

21 To 30 Correct: LIKE ROCKY & BULLWINKLE, YOU’RE A REAL GOODNIK.
11 To 20 Correct: YOU’RE A FAN OF MOOSE & SQUIRREL.
6 To 10 Correct: YOU NEED REMEDIAL R&B COURSES AT WOSSAMOTTA U.
1 To 5 Correct: YOU’RE OUT IN THE COLD IN FROSTBITE FALLS.
0 Correct: LIKE BORIS & NATASHA, YOU’RE A NO-GOODNIK.

ANSWERS:
Pick up a copy of “Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends; Complete Season 1” and confirm for yourself that the correct answer to every question on this test is “A.”

Well, I hope that at the very least, youz all Fans Of Moose & Squirrel. If not, get on it!

Don’t miss our next episode, “DO COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY RUN AWAY," or “A STAB IN SPINE SAVES NINE.”

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

“Now here’s something we hope you’ll REALLY like”:
EDJUCATION-R-US: "We B Edjucatin' U." [Issue #1: Polatics & Soshial Studies]
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