Wednesday, August 12, 2009

FLOATIE, WE HARDLY KNEW YE

.
According to my Ma (may she rest in peace) on November 22, 1963, the day President John Kennedy was killed, I cuddled up to her as she was sitting in front of the TV set and crying, and I said, “It’s a sad day.” She answered, “Yes. It is.” Then I asked her, “And will it be a sad day tomorrow? And the next day? And the next day?” I was only 4 years old and had no idea what was going on but I guess when a little boy sees his mother crying he can pretty well figure out that it’s a sad day. Now I’m 50 years old and I still have no idea what is going on, but I recognize that this too is a sad day.

Ladies and gentlemen and everything in between, it is with a heavy heart that I inform you FLOATIE the frog has croaked. In other words, he’s gone to that Great Lily Pad In The Sky. He’s dead, doggone it, DEAD! (“Don’t be obtuse; I hate it when you’re obtuse!”)

Surely y’all recall my 2008 ‘Margarita Day’ Blog installment titled “Floatie For Vice President In 2008” in which I told y’all about Floatie attempting to make it into the Guinness Book Of World Records as the longest living water frog? Kathy has told me that, unfortunately, her son’s frog, Floatie, came up a small jump short: he departed this world at 19 and a half years old. The record was 20 years. So close and yet 6 months away. Personally, I think Floatie should have cheated by using steroids and FGH (Frog Growth Hormone). I mean, when in Rome... Better to enter the record book with an asterisk than not to enter the record book at all. It's the new American way!

Oh well, can’t win ‘em all (just ask Kurt Warner and the Airheadzona Kurtinals), but Floatie had a good long life and he will be remembered fondly everytime I have a frog in my throat. Right now it's just a lump.

A service for Floatie is being planned for 10:00 A.M. this Saturday at the Arizona Amphibian Aquatic Center. In lieu of flowers, Floatie’s family has suggested people make donations to the Flies On Wheels program.

R.I.P., FLOATIE.

IF only Floatie could have held on for another 6 months he’d have been famous.

IF only Lee Harvey Oswald hadn’t gotten an assist from someone on the grassy knoll, Lyndon Johnson WOULDN’T have been famous.

IF a picture paints a thousand words,
then why can't I paint you?

IF Who’s on first, What’s on second?

IF you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, you’re the bloke operating the guillotine.

IF your aunt was a man she’d be your uncle.

IF Floatie had been an alligator
we’d all have new shoes and handbags.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

Link:
Floatie For Vice President in 2008
.

3 comments:

DiscConnected said...

If Floatie had had wings, he would not have bumped his ass when he hopped.

I had no idea of your deep feelings for amphibians.

It is rumored that Michael Vick has a terrarium.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

`
Terrarium?
Is that a synonym for "dog pound"?

I checked the 2009 NFL schedule, and sadly, the Eagles never face the Browns, so our only chance of seeing Michael Vick versus The Dawg Pound is if these two teams face each other in the Super Bowl. Yeah, like THAT'S gonna happen. When pigs fly, hell freezes over, and the non-Philly Eagles tour again.
~ STMcMe

Anonymous said...

STM you "skips" wearin narco,

"If your sneakers slip and slide take them back to "Pantry Pride"

"but all I saw under there were dust bunnies… all wearing miniature Converse High-Tops and laughing at me."-HAHA!!

In 1984 I let some cute girl ice up my left earlobe which was attached to my drunken head and pierce it. I haven't worn an earring in it since 1990 and the hole still hasn't closed fully.. You just can't take some things back.

I remember thinking that my Uncle Billy's hawaian girl tattoo he got in the Navy in Korea was the coolest thing. Because it wuz!! They're all just posseurs now.

WP