CAT'S 'N' COLE'S COWBOY STUFFS

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In 1990, my then-girlfriend, the "Countess", and I, self-produced this sort of . . . book thing. We used pseudonyms we'd invented - Cat and Cole (guess who wuz who) - and titled our little book thing "Calamity Cat And Black Cole Kid's Uncomplicated GUIDE TO WESTERN MOVIES For The Simple-Minded Cowperson".
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Basically it was just a list of Western movies we had watched together, along with our personal grade for each movie and (usually) just a sentence or two of our impressions about the movie in question. It was very simple, in keeping with our targeted audience. However, the guide was preceded by a 14-page essay that I had written for the book. It was called "Cowboy Movies And The State Of The Union (Opinionated words about Julie Newmar, Tow Truck Drivers, Policemen, And Even Cowboy Movies)".

Here is a brief excerpt from the essay, which I am posting in partial response to my friend The Great L.C. and his comment on my previous blog bit in which he writes:
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"What I meant on "Return Of Josey Wales" is that I am surprised you watched the sequel since you did not seem to like the original."

From page 7 of "Cowboy Movies And The State Of The Union":
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But what about this business of cowboy movies? How did this movie thing get out of hand? It all started one night in a Wherehouse Record And Video store, where Calamity and I were selecting movies to rent. She pleaded with me to get Silverado, a Western starring one of her favorite actors, Kevin Kline.

After we found the tape, I explained to her that although I enjoyed Westerns, I could think of only two that were truly great: Shane and The Outlaw Josey Wales.

At that time, I was not aware of my naivete. You see, I was raised on television's "B" Westerns. ...My heroes were Roy Rogers, The Lone Ranger, and... Sheriff John.

Shortly after seeing Silverado, we rented Josey Wales and Shane, and for inexplicable reasons, I began to review these movies on paper and affix grades to them and pestered Calamity to supply me with her impressions. We began to watch many of the more commercially successful pictures like The Magnificent Seven and Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid, ...and eventually graduated to the obscure and unfamiliar.

After the first thirteen consecutive Westerns, I recall thinking that we were getting excessive. Little did I realize that, in the next nine months, we would see over two hundred with only four or five non-Westerns in between.
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The other day, I posted a list of Western movies that I called "The Dreck Of The West". Some of the commentary for those movies I took from the old copy of my Western Movie Guide. In glancing through it further, I realized that I had not included any of Calamity Cat's comments, which I certainly should have because she could be pretty darn humorous when she wanted to be.

So, in correcting my inexcusable oversight, I am posting below Calamity's comments for three of the movies that appeared on yonder distant list (i.e., the blog bit below this one).
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For Sagebrush Trail (1933) with John Wayne, Calamity said:
"Worst fighting ever, other than that it was pretty bad".
Ha! You a funny one, Countess!
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For Ghost Town (1988) Calamity sez:
"Standard 1980s horror flick. Pretty scary . . .
scary acting, scary writing, scary directing".
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In our Western Movie Guide, under Ride The Man Down (1952), Calamity simply wrote, "Simply awful". But my review consisted of actually letting the reader in on a short dialogue that really did take place between the Countess and myself while the movie was playing on our television screen. And here's how it reads . . .
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The following conversation took place 15 minutes into the movie:
Cole: "This is an old movie, huh?"
Cat: "Uh-huh. It's an old B movie, isn't it?"
Cole: "Pretty damn much. . . . .Who is that guy there, who's doing the acting . . . or whatever?"
Cat: "Ha!-Ha!-Ha!-Ha!-Ha!"
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Alright dudes and dudettes, that's it for today. But hopefully tomorrow I will find the time to post the next list which I intend to call "LOST DUTCHMAN'S MINE: 20 Little Western Movie Gems Unjustly Forgotten". See ya then. (Bring yer flashlight!)
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~ "Lonesome Dogg" McStetson (aka Black Cole Kid)
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