Thursday, March 10, 2011

Essential Tools & Techniques For Modern AUSTRALIAN WRITERS Living In Greece

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ESSENTIAL TOOLS:



A personal computer for writing.



[father, son, & holy "spirit"]
Wine for inspiration and relaxation.




A bulldozer for clearing away writer's block.



Thick skin to survive rejection notices.



Rope . . . should an 'escape clause' be needed.


ESSENTIAL TECHNIQUES:

1: After writing dialogue, speak it aloud to see if it sounds natural.

2: While describing scenes, don't forget to incorporate the various senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, libido, and sometimes y.

3: Use fuck shit asshole profanity very sparingly for maximum effect.

4: And... uhm... well... oh, "derrieres and dog doo!" ...Thought I'd something more to say.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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7 comments:

Jessica Bell said...

Are you fucking kidding me? LOLOL! You're such a dag. I hope you know what 'dag' means. If not, I think you should move to Australia (or Greece) where the word is used quite frequently for people like you--especially by people like me ;o) xoxo

Clarissa Draper said...

Great tips and tools. I'm trying to get hold of a rhino--did you know they're not allowing me to house one in my backyard!?

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

AlliAllo ~
>>.....Are you fucking kidding me?

Sparingly! Sparingly!

Now you see there? I post another blog bit with a variation on the word "writing" in the title and here you are again, quick as a... quick as a... Hmmm... at the moment I can't think of anything quick - my mind's too slow!

>>.....LOLOL! You're such a dag. I hope you know what 'dag' means.

OK, I'll admit it, I was playing dumb about "chuffed", but in truth, I really DIDN'T know what "dag" meant, so I Googled it:

"Originally a word meaning the dried faeces left dangling from the wool on a sheep's rear end, the word dag is more commonly used in colloquial Australian English to refer to someone's unfashionable, often eccentric or idiosyncratic style or demeanor together with poor social skills and amusing manner.

Ha!-Ha!
Well, honestly, I just don't have enough money to qualify for "eccentric", and frankly, I prefer the word "genius", but I suppose "dag" is the next best thing. THANKS, AlliAllo!

Now listen, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Believe it or not, I actually had YOU in mind while composing this blog bit. [I even attempted to post a photo of YOUR home office and personal computer that I had recalled seeing on your blog long ago but, for whatever reason, the system wouldn't let me.]

But please don't let this go to your head or anything; it doesn't mean I love you more than I do my other "Followers" but just that THIS was YOUR time. And I hope you are able to put the information I posted here to good use for ya.


CLARISSA ~
>>.....I'm trying to get hold of a rhino--did you know they're not allowing me to house one in my backyard!?

Why that's OUTRAGEOUS! I would move. Did you tell 'em yer a writer and that it's an ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL TOOL? ("Rhinos - they're not just for Australian writers living in Greece anymore!")

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Arlee Bird said...

This is genius! You should write a book about writing. Can you do a post giving tips to writers in Southern California? Or do you only give writing advice to good looking women?

Okay, okay-- let me put on my rhino skin coat and pout in being rejected by your genius. There's plenty of other blogs that I can read for writing advice. I don't need your stupid writing blog.

Lee
Tossing It Out

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

BOID ~
Well, yeah, it's true, in the past I have directed my "writing advice writing" solely toward good-looking womens. However, I DO take requests.

Currently I am working on a piece for good-looking wannabe writer womens in Wyoming, and another one for good-looking wannabe writer womens in Rhode Island.

But, after I have completed those two projects, I will give some serious consideration to "writing writing advice" for mens in Southern California. (Although that one won't be free of charge, I ought to forewarn you. ;o)

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

DiscConnected said...

Stephen-

Now you're getting the hang of it!

Tomorrow's post should be on character development.

LC

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

DISCDUDE ~
The Zombie Writers finally got to me. I'm one of them now.
[:-(

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Zombie Writer'