Have you ever wanted to travel to Los Angeles, California? You ever wanted to know what it's all about?
Whaddaya mean, nope? Shirley, you jest!
Well, be sure to check in again here real soon, kids, 'cause we've convinced [i.e., "hired"] Stephen T. McCarthy to take you on a personal tour of Los Angeles - a personal tour personally customized for you... uh... PERSONALLY!
You see, Stephen T. McCarthy was born and raised and razed in Los Angeles, so he knows every freeway, every side street, every bar
Stephen will take you from Dodger Stadium, at the western edge of East L.A., all the way to Venice Beach, at the eastern edge of the West's Pacific Ocean, and show you everything in between (...except for those places in the middle that he won't be showing you).
Yes, you will be treated to the entire spectrum of what Los Angeles has to offer; from sights of affluent opulence and the extreme celebrity
...to the stench of unwashed men and Mad Dog 20/20 "On The Nickel": Skid Row on Fifth Street in downtown Lost Angels.
[Look, we're gonna level with ya: Stephen T. McCarthy don't know diddley 'bout opulence and "rich stuffs", but he does know the grime of Skid Row like the back of his hand. In fact, it can usually be found on the back of his hand... and in other places on his... eh... body. But let's not bicker and argue about that; this is supposed to be a happy occasion! Just trust us: Stephen's an entertaining tour guide and he's worth at least three of the five dollars we've promised to pay him to take you there. He'll take you there!]
No need to sign up now nor prepay for this guided tour (you will be billed later, big time); all ya gotta do is return here occasionally and watch for the blog bit titled "MY HOMEMEGALOPOLIS". Then climb on board "Los Angels Tour", buckle your seat belts, take a slug of whiskey to settle your nerves and enjoy the ride in the 1959 Cadillac that has been
We hope you have a wonderful time! And don't forget to pack your bathing suit and six or seven credit cards... unless you're female, 18 to 24 years of age, and you look absolutely maaahvelous in a bathing suit. In which case, just pack the bathing suit; we'll handle the rest.
Coupon not valid with any other offer. Must present coupon at time of purchase. Limit one coupon per person. Coupon does not apply to prior purchases. Other Restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited. We reserve the right to make changes without notice, and are not responsible for errors or omissions. All stuffs subject to prior sale. All prices exclude government fees and taxes, any finance charges, any travel agent document preparation charge, and any emissions test charge or stain. Payment terms and interest rates may vary due to year of birth, vital measurements, and customer's credit score. Call Stephen T. McCarthy for details.
"See you soon".