Monday, June 20, 2011

COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU (i.e., "Coming Soon To STUFFS")

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Have you ever wanted to travel to Los Angeles, California? You ever wanted to know what it's all about?

"Nope."

Whaddaya mean, nope? Shirley, you jest!

Well, be sure to check in again here real soon, kids, 'cause we've convinced [i.e., "hired"] Stephen T. McCarthy to take you on a personal tour of Los Angeles - a personal tour personally customized for you... uh... PERSONALLY!

You see, Stephen T. McCarthy was born and raised and razed in Los Angeles, so he knows every freeway, every side street, every bar and grill like he was born and raised (and razed) there. Stephen is prepared to show you every famous Los Angeles landmark, as well as plenty of sights that the average sightseeer   sightsee'r   sightseeur ...that the average visitor never sees!

Stephen will take you from Dodger Stadium, at the western edge of East L.A., all the way to Venice Beach, at the eastern edge of the West's Pacific Ocean, and show you everything in between (...except for those places in the middle that he won't be showing you).

Yes, you will be treated to the entire spectrum of what Los Angeles has to offer; from sights of affluent opulence and the extreme celebrity opulence ...uhm ...rich stuffs of Beverly Hills and Bel Air...



...to the stench of unwashed men and Mad Dog 20/20 "On The Nickel": Skid Row on Fifth Street in downtown Lost Angels.



[Look, we're gonna level with ya: Stephen T. McCarthy don't know diddley 'bout opulence and "rich stuffs", but he does know the grime of Skid Row like the back of his hand. In fact, it can usually be found on the back of his hand... and in other places on his... eh... body. But let's not bicker and argue about that; this is supposed to be a happy occasion! Just trust us: Stephen's an entertaining tour guide and he's worth at least three of the five dollars we've promised to pay him to take you there. He'll take you there!]

No need to sign up now nor prepay for this guided tour (you will be billed later, big time); all ya gotta do is return here occasionally and watch for the blog bit titled "MY HOMEMEGALOPOLIS". Then climb on board "Los Angels Tour", buckle your seat belts, take a slug of whiskey to settle your nerves and enjoy the ride in the 1959 Cadillac that has been stolen obtained specifically for this specific trip.

We hope you have a wonderful time! And don't forget to pack your bathing suit and six or seven credit cards... unless you're female, 18 to 24 years of age, and you look absolutely maaahvelous in a bathing suit. In which case, just pack the bathing suit; we'll handle the rest.
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Coupon not valid with any other offer. Must present coupon at time of purchase. Limit one coupon per person. Coupon does not apply to prior purchases. Other Restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited. We reserve the right to make changes without notice, and are not responsible for errors or omissions. All stuffs subject to prior sale. All prices exclude government fees and taxes, any finance charges, any travel agent document preparation charge, and any emissions test charge or stain. Payment terms and interest rates may vary due to year of birth, vital measurements, and customer's credit score. Call Stephen T. McCarthy for details.
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Side Effects May Include: Abdominal pain, agitation, anxiety, constipation, decreased sex drive, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, fatigue, gas, headache, decreased appetite, increased sweating, indigestion, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, rash, pain, sleepiness, sleeplessness (oh, wait, we already mentioned "insomnia", didn't we?) sore throat, tingling or 'pins and needles', tremor, vision problems, vomiting, a slow and agonizing death.
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Otherwise . . . IT'Z ALL GOOD!
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"See you soon".
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Your friends at . . .
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~ Hangon Saint McChristopher Tours
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YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
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6 comments:

DiscConnected said...

I am NOT jesting.

And don't call me Surely.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Looks like you picked the wrong week to give up the name Shirley!

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Arlee Bird said...

Looking forward to it. I've been living here 20 years now and I still don't know what's here.

They make MD20/20 in flavors other than cheap grape wine flavor? That's all we ever had back in Tennessee when I was a young man. I had me a few bottles of the stuff, but couldn't really get into it all that much. Some of those flavors look kind of good, but I would imagine they're just as bad as what me and the winos in Knoxville used to drink.

Let's start this damned tour now and get it over with so I can go back home.


Lee
Tossing It Out

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

ARLEE BOID ~
Ha!-Ha!
C'mon, man, you know as well as I do that often the thinking about and the anticipating a trip turns out to be the best part of it!

So, don't be in such a hurry to take this trip and get home. Let's relish the thought of it for awhile first, eh?

Yes, sir, back in the days when I was apt to drink me a little Mad Dog, the only flavor that was available was grape. And that was the sort of grape that never saw the ass of a chicken.

[Uh... wait. That line only seems to work when I'm talking about powdered eggs at a cheap all-you-can-eat buffet.]

Anyway, although I have enjoyed the delicate subtlety of the Old School grape Mogen David, I was always first and foremost a "Night Train" man. In my opinion (since revised), "Thunderbird" was for winos only, and Mad Dog was for dudes who didn't really appreciate a fine wine like Night Train.

I always did have good taste and the opinion to go with it.
;o)

[Damn, I'm funny! How come no one likes me?!]

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said...

Has anyone signed up????? LOL


Doris

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

LADY DORIS ~
Nope. I guess nobody wants to know what it's all about.
;o)

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'