Saturday, April 10, 2010


“It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots . . .”


The following poem I wrote in June of 1981 when I was 20 years of age. It doesn’t need much introduction as I feel it’s pretty self-explanatory. (Just know, people, that when I’m reduced to posting my own poetry, I’m simply dry of ideas. Have a little pity, will ya? "Say, buddy, can ya spare a dime? How ‘bout an idea?")


I want to live one whole life
By fulfilling my ability
I want to live one whole life
Learning from everything I see

I want to see through Van Gogh’s eyes
To really see and live to tell
I want to feel the darkness in that man’s mind
To know his loveless, mortal hell

I want to know a mother’s joy
When she brings a child to the earth
To feel the infinite power
In that new born baby’s worth

I want to know the determination
In the poor kid growing up on the street
And to spiral down a drain
With the dirt he washes from bare feet

I want to know the rich man’s comfort
To touch the classic art that he can buy
And concern myself with nothing
Except judgment when I die

I want a woman to cry
When she feels the things I’ve left unsaid
I want her to know of the despair I’ve seen
And count the times my heart has bled

I want to love a shy young girl
Like a fortress built of stone
To hold her warm and tight
When she feels so alone

I want to feel all the sadness
When my soul is cold and bare
To hear a shout, turn my head
And find my friends are there

I want to know the void in the author
Who will live but never write
Like a baby bird fallen from the nest
Before it’s known the rush of flight

I want to feel the desperation
That only a supreme artist can survive
To produce work of immortal magnitude
Then scream out, “I’m Alive!”

I want to know all that life has to give
And yet, in God I trust
That still I will be learning
When my body has turned to dust


People, I want to talk to you about-- Wait! Move in a little closer. This may be politically incorrect, so I don’t wanna have to shout it.

-- People, I want to talk to you about . . . you know, those folks in society that have doo-doo for brains; who do stupid, asinine things but think that they’re no dumber than the rest of society. Worst of all, some of ‘em actually think they’re hip and cool an’ all. You know, the sorts of people that Yosemite Sam would loudly call “IDJITS.” But then, of course, Yosemite Sam did everything loudly.

Idjits come in all shapes, sizes and genders. Well, actually, as far as I know there are only two genders – but idjits come in both of ‘em.

Who’re idjits? Well, that guy who cuts you off on the freeway, he’s an idjit. But ya know, you’ll find idjits on both ends of ya: that woman who was tailgating you when the idjit cut you off? Well, she’s an idjit, too. Idjits are those people who blow their noses at the table in a restaurant. "Oh, yeah, that’s why I drove to this establishment and paid these menu prices, so I could hear you blowing snot into a handkerchief one table away while I’m trying to eat this banana pudding."

You know that dude who lets his dog go on barking at nothing hour after hour late at night? He’s not just an idjit, he’s a friggin’ idjit! That woman who parks her SUV in a spot reserved for the handicapped and then bounces out of her vehicle and heads into the sporting goods store to buy a new tennis outfit . . . well, I guess I doesn’t have to say it ‘cause if you ain’t an idjit yerself, you already know what I’m a-goin’ to say about that woman.

You know those people with tattoos all over their bodies like they’re walking billboards selling dragons, Jolly Rogers and Harley-Davidson logos? Well, they’re idjits. And they’re gonna feel like idjits too, when they reach the age of 75: “Hey, Granny! How’s your dragon hangin’?”

Now if you’re a famous Rock group and you and your girlfriends pose nehkid and half nehkid for a photograph to be displayed on the inside of one of your record albums, both you and yer girlfriends are idjits! Pictured below are the Doobie Brothers and their womenfolk in their birthday suits on the inside of their album ‘Toulouse Street’. Is they idjits, or what? “Oh yeah, buddy, that’s just what we all wanted to see – you sittin’ there wearing nuttin’ but a hat over your rooster. Maybe you blokes shoulda been called The Boobie Brothers.”

Of course, the Red Hot Chili Peppers did something even more embarrassing on their ‘Abbey Road E.P.’ I mean, REALLY! Copying the famous Beatles album cover but doing it nehkid except for white socks hanging over your cock-a-doodle-doos? "Oh, you guys are just sooooo fuuuuunny! I’ll bet every college frat-boy idjit in the country fell down laughing over that one. What cleverness! What creativity! What genius! What a display of Idjitism!"

Well, let’s face it, probably 98.75% of Rock stars are idjits.

The gal who puts her clothes in a dryer at the laundromat and then abandons them for hours; the guy who leaves his macaroni and cheese sauce splattered all over inside the microwave oven at work; the chick who goes to lunch with a friend but spends half of the time yakkin’ on her cell phone with someone else; the dude next-door who revs up his motorcycle at the crack of dawn while you’re trying to sleep . . .
they’re idjits all!

There’s an epidemic of Idjititis sweeping the nation; it's going viral and folks are catching it and then infecting others with it. Good People of America, what we goin’ do ‘bout all these idjits?!

Well, I have an idea: maybe they could all be quarantined in the states of Iowa and Airheadzona where the natives wouldn’t even notice.

Le McQuote Du Jour:
You KNOW L. A. Habra be jammin'!
~ Illiterate Woman
(at a battle-of-the-bands competition in Los Angeles)

~ Stephen T. McCarthy
Doggtor of Semiliterate, Half-Naked Blogological Studies
Stream O’Consciousness University in Idjitville, Iowa

Letter Links:
ABC - DE - FG - H -

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.



I want to thank you for sharing this lovely and heartfelt poem.
It was brilliant and I for one enjoyed it.

Enjoy your week-end.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Thanks much, YVONNE.
I sure do intend to enjoy it, and I hope you do the same!

~ "LonesomeDogg" McMe

Bud Ezekiel H. said...

loved the poem and laughed often while reading idjits. problem is, nearly half of the population here in this state are idjits. bump into'm every day. the handicapped joggers get under my skin. and the friend(s) that doesn't turn off their cell while having dinner with you.

thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. my name is another upcoming story behind another door:)

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Glad ya enjoyed it, Bud.
Yes, I'm beginning to fear that there are more idjits than non-idjits. (Don'tcha hate it when that happens?)

~ "Lonesome Dogg" McStephen

Marjorie said...

Aww, not everyone in Arizona is an Idjit. So don't send anymore, because Lord knows we have too many already.

Bud Ezekiel H. said... of your readers looks like Jim(?) Nabors:)

Anonymous said...

The world is full of stupid people. Good one my friend.

Br'er M

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Firstly. I DETEST posts as long as yours. But! You're so freakin' talented I couldn't stop myself from reading it. How'dga do that to me? How'dga get me so sucked in when I should be writing my WIP? Cause I'm a freakin' idjit and destest posts for being long without reading them, and then declare what an idgit I am. You 'learned' me ;) hehe

Wow. Your poem. Last stanza, Shivers. Literally. Shivers, goosebumps - the works. Love your passion. You got a very similar one to me. In my L post on Wednesday I'm posting some lyrics of mine. I think you'll see a bit of yourself in there.

Wow again. Idgit stuff. Cacking myself! Pissed my panties. Let me add one: An idgit is a new employee declaring how poor she is on her first day on the job. Making fellow workers so sorry for her that they take her out for an afterwork drink, and they pay for them. All FOUR of them. Then blabs about going to a meet a friend later that night at the HILTON. GaHHHH!

Anyway, nuff ranting. Awesome post. But what else could I expect from you. :)

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

You're right, not everyone in Airheadzona is an idjit because there are two non-idjits here: you and me. (I think it's safe to assume you're livin' here too.)

I like to joke that when I moved to Arizona the state's collective I.Q. doubled. Ha! Now that may seem boastful at first, but when one considers that I have just a 62 I.Q. it's correctly seen as just a sad commentary on Airheadzona.

But seriously, I gotta say... these people here is D-U-M-B-!

One of my readers IS Jim Nabors.
Haven't you heard? I'm known as "The Blogger To The Stars."
Well... OK... "Blogger To The Has-Beens."

Thanks, Br'er. And thanks for followin'. You da man, man!

AlliAllo ~
Dang, Sister! THANK YOU! That's probably the nicest "compliment comment" I've ever received. (Just caused me to spill toothpaste outta my mouth and onto my PJs! Seriously.)

Wait - I better go into the bathroom and spit - I'll be back...

Alright, I'm back sans toothbrush.

You think this was a long post? Then you would want to see me tortured for the length of my usual posts (especially on my political Blog). Most of these A To Z posts have been far shorter than the norm for me. But I'm glad you managed to make it through anyhow.

My passion... Ha! Yes. Back in the hardcore drinking days of my early twenties I had a few really good friends/drinking buddies who referred to me as "Mr. Intense." I've mellowed considerably over the decades, but I think I'm still operating at an above normal intensity level.

Ahh, "L Is For Lyrics", eh? Well then, I will be sure to check out your Blog on Day-L.

Glad ya liked the Idjit bit, too. It certainly wasn't a comprehensive idjit list, and I have no problem including your "Faux Po' Girl" coworker idjit submission.

I've kind of felt that I've been polluting my Blog by posting old poetry on it and Blog Bits that I feel are below my usual standard, but I'm pleased that you think differently. I'll be honest, I've even thought of dropping out ("Q Is For Quitting"?), but I'm going to try to continue all the way to Z if I can. You kind of reassure me that things aren't as bad as they seem to me.

Thanks again, very much, for the fantastic compliment. And I'm looking forward to reading your "L" post.

~ "Lonesome Dogg" Stephen

Lisa said...

Hi Stephen.
Another great poem and I'm not just blowin' smoke.

I actually laughed out loud at the idjit examples. People that don't do what they say their going to do? Especially when you're really, really counting on them and when $$$ is involved? Idjits.
I'm trying to teach my sons not to be idjits and so far, so good. :)

I read the comment from TAA and feel the same way she does about loooooooooooooong blog posts. Gross. Most of the time I don't have the patience for them. But I ALWAYS enjoy reading your posts. So please, don't drop out of the competition! Yours is truly one of my favorites!!

Please elaborate more on granular lecithin. I googled it, but would like to know what it does for you personally.

Oh, and you eat just a pint of ice cream at a time? You don't have much of an appetite, now do ya? :)

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Thanks for the kind words, my friend!

To be honest with you, I don't quite understand the taboo against longer posts, which seems to be universally agreed upon in Blogland.

The way I see it, a book is just a very long Blog posting printed on paper rather than appearing on a computer screen. And we ALL like books! Now granted, nobody is going to post an entire book on their Blog, but what's inherently wrong with a longish Blog Bit?

I figure that if I have posted a lengthy Blog Bit but people stop reading it due to its length, then I have failed as a writer. It's not really that the installment is too long, but that I failed to make the writing interesting enough to hold the reader's attention. And, by the way, I fail often because even my own friends have sometimes complained about the length of my Blog entries.

And thanks for the encouragement. Yeah, I'm going to do by best to hang in there until the end because this is a commitment I made, and I try to honor them things.

But my problem is that I ordinarily post about once every week or ten days, not every day. And, frankly, I don't believe anyone is so interesting and/or entertaining that they can afford to post a new Blog Bit six days a week without the quality diminishing. Anyone who can do that is certainly a genius...and that ain't me.

So, I don't believe I can blog every day at the standard I generally try to hold myself to. Most of my Blog Bits are written and then refined over a couple of days before being posted, and I can't help but suspect my quality is slipping with the increase in quantity. Nevertheless, I will keep grinding and hopefully celebrate "Z" with the Rest O'Ya.

I will tell you more about Lecithin soon, in one of the comment sections of your own Blog.

~ "Lonesome Dogg" McMe

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Firstly, Stephen, please don't give up, and don't feel guilty about posting poems. I love reading your poems. It's not a cop out. :)

Secondly, I think the reason we all like short blogs is because we all want to be supportive of each other, and therefore try read as many blogs as possible. When we come accross gigantic feats, it means less time looking at others. It all just comes down to time factors.

It's different with books. We read books when we are away from the computer and relaxing. I bet most of the bloggers out there read in between doing work, I certainly do.

It's kind of become like a part of my job. Even though I thoroughly enjoy blogging and reading other blogs, I ultimately look at it like another part of my writing 'portfolio' so to speak. And commenting etc, is almost like having to keep up to date with emails. I wouldn't not reply to an email. Would you?

So. There. That's my take on disliking long blog posts :)

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

That's fair enough, ALLIALLO. Thanks. It's not exactly the way I view the matter but you've stated your case well and... fair enough.

Yak Later.
~ "Lonesome Dogg" McMe

arlee bird said...

First of all, I'm one of those who has complaind about the long posts-- this was not a long post by St. Mc's standards -- it was pretty short actually.

The poem was seriously good -- I mean it was deep and serious. A real message.

Idjits? I can go along with those.

Quitting? --- Don't be teasing us like that. McDog doesn't quit-- I've seen you in action.

Looking forward to all of the letters, good and bad.


Raquel Byrnes said...

Loved the poem. Very young and idealist. I wonder if you'd change it all after some life experience? Funny idjits post.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Thanks, rLEE-b.
Yes, I may be scaping the bottom of the barrel here, but I will do all I can to hold out 'til "Z".

Glad you enjoyed the poem. Thanks! Yeah, I'm not nearly the idealist I was in my youth - in fact, I've become something of a (gasp!) realist. But I still have this mystical vision thang that keeps one of my feets in the air. Thanks again.

~ "Lonesome Dogg" McMe