Sunday, December 18, 2011


For me, the most important Christmas gift on my Wish List came early this year.

The other day I sent an Email to my friend Sheboyganboy Six in which I said this:

The only thing I much care about [in the 2011 NFL football season] is seeing the Packers lose at least one game so they don’t do a ’72 Dolphins.

If you don’t already know, the 1972 Miami Dolphins are the only team in NFL history to win every single game in their schedule, from first regular season game through the Super Bowl. I was 11 & 12 years old when that happened, and it was the ’72 Dolphins that turned me into a football fan. Prior to that year I knew as much about football as I currently know about ballet and breeding show dogs.

My big hero was the Mack truck-like running back Larry Csonka, whose number, 39, I wrote on everything I owned.

Here’s a photo of my hero flippin’ the bird at y’all from an August '72 cover of Sports Illustrated magazine:

At 1:39 this morning, I sent the following to Sheboyganboy Six:

I’ve looked at Green Bay’s remaining regular season games, and there just ain’t nobody over the next 3 games who can beat them. I’d love to be proven wrong on that, but I sure don’t see it happening. I truly think it’s up to the Saints in the postseason.

He wrote back an hour ago [1:44 PM] and said:

As I write this, Kansas City is beating them. I cannot imagine that holding up... but we can hope.

See, the Kansas City Chiefs are a team so bad that earlier this week the owner fired its head coach and installed Romeo Crennel as the interim coach.

Here’s a photo of Romeo near the conclusion of his first game as the mastermind of the Chiefs:

And here’s a photo of the final score of his first game as head coach, a game against the (previously) undefeated Green Bay Packers:

[Cocky quarterback Aaron Rodgers, meet
WINNING quarterback Kyle Orton!]

To quote Yukon Cornelius: “WA-HOOO!”

Apparently the crappy Kansas City Chiefs didn’t know this was supposed to be “a damn show”; they thought it was “a damn fight!” The Rocky Balboas surprise the Apollo Creeds yet again! I loves that stuffs!

The Packers went DOWN! And my favorite football team, the 1972 Dolphins, remain (at least for one more year) the only squad to experience a completely undefeated NFL season. My pristine childhood memory remains intact and left alone!

Somewhere tonight, Csonka, Nick Buoniconti, Mercury Morris and some of the other ’72 Dolphin team members will raise a glass of champagne and toast their unblemished ’72 season – as they do every year when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses a game.

And tonight, I too will raise my glass of . . . I dunno, Guizhou Maotaizhen, maybe (if I can find something to mix with it to mask that awful taste), and toast the 1972 Dolphins and my “perfect” childhood.

Oh, in a heartbeat I would give away my car, my Playboy magazine collection, and the key to my liquor cabinet, and go back to relive those Orange County days . . . if it were possible.

Mention My Name In Sheboygan . . .

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

My Friend Went To China And All I Got Was This Lousy Transmission Fluid

YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.


YeamieWaffles said...

That's an absolutely insane record that should never be beaten by anyone in American football in my opinion so it's great to hear your wish came true buddy! Have an excellent Christmas Stephen.

mousiemarc said...

Well being a vikings fan I approve the Packers loss. Funny how the media always crowns someone a winner before it happens. That's why they play the games. You must of been a little concerned a few years back when the Pats walked into the super bowl undefeated. Talk about picking a bad time to lose. They go down in history as the worst 1 loss team in history. Merry Christmas to you and your family brother.

Br'er marc

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

For your comment here, you have been awarded a godzillion points!

In other words: "You winnah!"

Thanks, Brother... and you have an excellent Christmas too!

Phuck the Vikings! Phuck Fran Tarkenton! And Phuck Brett Favre!

Oh, the Patriots vs. the Giants in the Super Bowl? Dude, I was crapping in my Dolphins drawers!

That was the closest it ever got, and I was "f(r)antic"!

Here's the story that has never been told before...

I do security work. That Patriots Vs. Giants Super Bowl - #XLII, held on February 3, 2008 - "occured" [phuck that extra, unnecessary "r"] here in Phoenix, Airheadzona.

The security company I work for was one of several companies contracted to provide security for that Super Bowl.

I pulled just one shift at the Super Bowl site – it was an overnight Sunday “graveyard” shift EXACTLY one week to-the-day prior to the scheduled Super Bowl.

My shift was something like 11 PM to 7 AM the Sunday before “SUPER BOWL SUNDAY”.

That night, when I pulled into the Glendale, Airheadzona, stadium parking lot to report for duty, it was raining. Despite the nighttime rain, I put up my windshield’s sun-reflector screen, which happens to sport an image of the Miami Dolphins’ insignia.

So, in other words, the rainy Sunday night, one week prior to Super Bowl Sunday, one car was parked in the Super Bowl stadium’s parking lot displaying a Miami Dolphins’ emblem!

I’ve often wondered what the stadium employees thought who saw the windshield sun-visor installed on a car in the parking lot in the middle of a rainy night!

The truth is, I consciously put up that visor in an attempt to jinx the Patriots who would be attempting to match the ’72 Dolphins’ record one week to-the-day later.

Laugh if ya will, but . . . IT WORKED! The Patriots lost in a major upset to the Giants, and ever since then, I have entertained the impression that it was MY windshield jinx – and my windshield jinx ONLY – that won that Super Bowl for the Giants.

I could be wrong, but even if I am . . .


~ Stephen

Missed Periods said...

I just realized that I know as much about football as you know about ballet and breeding show dogs. But I will raise a glass of champagne to the '72 Dolphins. Any excuse to drink champagne.

Sheboyganboy 6 said...

Hey! Someone mentioned my name, and it wasn't in Sheboygan!

I checked the blog tonight wondering if you had any comments on today's NFL events, and sho-nuf, de it is! A fun NFL day (there have been few of them lately). First, the important one you mentioned: Green Bay LOSES!

I am not the Dolphins fan that you are... but I AM a fan. They are one of my five favorite teams, and even more important than liking them, I don't HATE them as I do many other teams. I was a BIG fan of the old Dolphins, though, and am happy the old farkers get to pop the champagne bottles for another year.

Other good things that happened today are the Chargers stomping the Ravens (with the slight negative that it helps the Stealers), and the Seahawks clawed the Bears, keeping their slim playoff hopes alive.

The only really negative thing that happened was that the New England Cheatriots beat the Denver Tebows. Tebow himself did a decent job, but the defense didn't hold up, they had many penalties, and several turnovers. Too bad, but God is on his side, win or lose.

Your side, too.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

I hear ya. Any excuse for champagne indeed!

But, I find it hard to believe you know as little about football as I know about those other subjects.

All I know about ballet is that it has something to do with "swans".

And all I know about show dogs is that it has something to do with holding the snout high and not letting the tail drag. But there must be more to it than that, because if not, then it means I have dated a few show dogs.

I didn't know much about the other outcomes. Heck, I even turned the Cardinals game off - they were losing at the time - and I switched to a Christmas movie. I was surprised to learn later that the Kurtinals won that game against The Dawgs.

I'm glad the Hawks beat da Bears. Heck, I'm glad when just about anybody beats da Bears.

I was sorry to see that the Cheatriots were beating the Tebows so badly, but I really didn't expect it to go any other way.

Just the K.C./G.B. game was good enough to make it a stellar Sunday for me.

I hope you aren't offended that I said "Phuck the Vikings". I still love ya, man, even if I hate your team.

My hatred of the Vikings goes way, way back. All the way back to the days of Fran Tarkenton and Super Bowl VIII.

Tarkenton was the most aggravating SOB to ever put on the pads. He's the only player in history who could run for 100 yards on a single play, all of those yards behind the line of scrimmage, and then he'd complete the play with a little 5-yard junk pass.

Argghhh! I still get frustrated just thinking about that guy. How many times did I yell at the TV screen, "Get him! Get him! Somebody get that scrambling SOB!" But nobody could ever get him, and he'd always manage to dunk some stupid little pass off to a tight end and it would be first and ten all over again. FRUSTRATING if you were rooting against the team in purple.

It didn't help matters much when decades later the Vikes signed Brettboy Favregirl. Sorry, Bro, but me no likey yer team..

~ McStephen

Karen Peterson said...

I'm not entirely sure when or why my loathing for the Packers started, but yesterday's game had the best outcome I've seen in any sport since the Angels won the 2002 World Series.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

You are obviously a woman after my own heart!

YES! I would rate the Angels' championship very, very high on my list of favorites. In fact, when it comes to Major League Baseball, I believe I would put that at #2, right after the 1988 Los Angeles Dodgers world championship.

(You a SoCal gal?)

In one sense, that 2002 Angels Championship was almost an extension of the '88 Dodgers championship, since the manager, Mike S. [not even going to try spelling his last name], and two of the coaches, Mickey Hatcher, and... hmmm... who was it? ...Alfredo Griffin(?) - [you probably know] - were former Dodgers from the '88 team.

Plus... add to that the fact that my Ma [may she rest in peace] was once an Angels employee, and... consider that there is no team in all of professional sports that I hate more than I hate the 'Crisco Giants, and you have the makings of a VERY satisfactory outcome in MY book.

I remember a family game we were playing back then and part of it included guessing the winner of the 2002 World Series. I had said that I thought the Giants would win (definitely NOT what I wanted to happen!)

But just as Game 1 of the 2002 World Series was about to start, the Angels organization put on a tribute to the deceased owner Gene Autry. Over the stadium's P.A. system they played Norman Greenbaum's 'Spirit In The Sky' - my all-time, all-time favorite "song".

I heard that and had such an emotional reaction to it that I immediately called my Ma and told her I was changing my pick to the Angels. [GOOD move, Stephen!] I mean, I thought there was just NO WAY the Angels could lose the World Series after that.

The 2002 World Series was definitely a 7-game nail-biter, but I STILL rejoice at the outcome.

Barry Bonds can kiss my... "steroid"!

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

mousiemarc said...

Phuck the vikings. Well PHUCK YOU... I love you too brother, but I like football in cold, the arctic cold. I have actually not been as interested in the Viks since they took away the best part of mid west; arctic cold outdoor football. I still love my viks but I hate the fact they play in a dome now. I also like the 49ers having been raised on them (my dad was born and raised in San Fran). My mom is a Minnesota girl born and raised. I was raised on the Viks and 49ers. San Fran is just about as cold as Portland so I don't really consider it a sun state in winter. But Miami? Dude, you might as well pamper those guys year round. They play in the mildest climate in the country (heck they probably play in milder weather than the Viks can provide in the dome). They have had some good teams though. The Viks probably won't be in Minnesota for long with stadium finance issues going on.

mousiemarc said...

Hey Stephen,

Hey what do you think of this whole Tebow thing? I can't help but kinda like him even though he really can't throw that well. His whole giving thanks to Jesus Christ, and his humility are rare in professional sports (even though I don't subscribe to his version of christianity). I ultimately don't think he will be on an NFL team, but I'm not counting him out either.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

>>..."Well PHUCK YOU..."

First of all, you can't say that to ME! Do I throw, catch, kick, or run with a football? NO! You are only allowed to say "Phuck you" to a person who throws, catches, kicks, or runs with the football; or to a collection of players who throw, catch, kick, or run with the football.

You don't believe me? Then look it up for yourself! It's Clause 2.791 in Section 5.896 of "THE PHUCKING RULE BOOK". Here's a direct quote taken right out of my 2011 edition of the book:

You are only allowed to say "Phuck you" to a person who throws, catches, kicks, or runs with the football; or to a collection of players who throw, catch, kick, or run with the football.

Methinks you needs to read through "THE PHUCKING RULE BOOK" again!

Hey, I shouldn't have said I "hate" the Vikings - that was too strong a word. At one time I DID hate them, but nowadays I merely dislike 'em.

I need to reserve the word "hate" for teams like the Patriots, the Steelers, the 49ers, and da Bears (and da Bears fans!)

I have always been under the impression that you were first and foremost a Seahawks man.

The Dolphins... well, say what you will about the weather conditions they play most of their games in, but in the DVD program "America's Game: The Super Bowl Champions - 1972 Miami Dolphins", we learn this:

Don Shula had those guys doing 3-a-day workouts, all in pads; he ran them until they were about to fall down from exhaustion; AND... he permitted none of the players to have any water or liquids on the practice field.

Later, when they were beating the snot out of the rest of the NFL, when the players were interviewed and questioned about their winning ways, every one of them attributed it to having worked harder and being in better condition than any other team taking the field.

So, Bro, I would still take the '72 Dolphins in the snow against any other team, even the cold-weather teams. How ya gonna top the "C"s?: Conditioning & Csonka!

Sheboyganboy and I have been discussing Tebow in Emails lately. We both really like him and are pulling for him big time. I have still not seen him in live action, so I can't really offer an informed opinion about my perception of his talent or lack of it. But the sudden winning since he took over probably indicates a great deal, and I suspect he is likely considerably more talented and athletic than the naysayers want the public to believe.

He may be quarterbacking in the NFL for a lot longer than a lot of the Godless people would like him to be.

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'

mousiemarc said...

Tebow QB's alright in the 4th quarter but he doesn't look so hot at first sometimes. He does have better talent and skill than any of the media give him credit for. That being said, 2 former QB'S Trent Dilfer and Steve Young have both gone on record saying, "More QB's are ruined than are made in the NFL." Instead of developing their talent most NFL teams are ready to pull and banish their players for just about anything. Tebow is less likely to be damaged in this way in that he is so strong mentally. I love the fact that this guy wants to model the right attributes for children, the right values, and publicly gives glory to Jesus Christ. I think I'm gonna start praying for this kid. I really think God can work through what he's doing to reach some people. I also know who won't like that.

Br'er Marc

P.S. His QB skill are showing improvment.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Although I don't watch much football anymore, I do regularly read the sports page of the Airheadzona Republic. And, yes, I've read that Tebow can look pretty sloppy during a game and then look like Johnny Unitas in the fourth quarter.

I've also read that a number of observers do think he has shown considerable improvement over the last few weeks or so.

Those who really don't like him (i.e., those who really don't like his public displays of faith) love saying and writing that "he has trouble throwing a forward pass". Not that "he's sometimes erratic" or that "his accuracy is not always what it should be", which is how those same people would likely be phrasing it if he were an atheistic quarterback whom they did not perceive as a threat to their world-view.

~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'