“CAN YOU WEAR ME NOW?”

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It will be nearly impossible for anyone who has known me during the 666 years I’ve lived here in Phoenix, Airheadzona, to believe this but, in fact, I DO have a personal style when it comes to clothing.

The reason no one who currently knows me “in the flesh” will accept that statement is because no one who knows me now has seen my “style”. And that’s because the majority of the year, Phoenix is hotter’n ‘ell and so I dress purely for comfort, not for style. I have been forced to abandon my style preference solely in order to survive the blasted heat!

I’m fast approaching the 17th anniversary of my move to Phoenix, but much of my life here has been so hellish that it only FEELS like 666 years. When I arrived here in the Summer of ’95, I almost immediately adopted my brother Nappy’s lifelong style of dress, which can be summed up thus: Put on the first T-shirt at the top of the stack in the chest of drawers.

So, unless I’m working “on the clock”, I’m almost always just wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I’d love to re-adopt my “natural” style, but that won’t happen in the foreseeable future. I own a couple of stylish overcoats. One is grey - it was originally owned by my dear friend Martin Brumer and given to me by his Mom after he passed away. The other one, which I purchased for myself in 1988, is either black or navy blue. The fact that I’m not entirely sure which color it is gives you some indication how long it’s been since I’ve seen it.

My own “style” of preference, however, is jeans and a dark vest worn over a light colored long-sleeved shirt (such as white, tan, pale blue, pale yellow, or even a pale pink). I still have the vests, but they usually just hang around together in the closet, gossiping about what a maroon I am.

Before the unfortunate move to Hell, Airheadzona, here’s the way you’d usually find me dressed:



In my twenties, I pretty much lived in that black leather jacket you see in the ‘Statue Of Liberty’ photograph at the top of this blog. As I matured, I gradually gave up the urban “hoodlum” appearance and replaced it with the classier “Western” vest look. And as I said, that (strictly through necessity) eventually degenerated into the T-shirt thang.

I can tell you precisely what I’ll be wearing for the next three days just by going to my chest of drawers and checking which 3 T-shirts are at the top of the stack:

Tomorrow it will be my ‘U.S. Constitution* - *Void Where Prohibited By Law’ T-shirt. On Saturday it will be my T-shirt with the Henry David Thoreau quote printed on the front (“Always you have to contend with the stupidity of men.”); and the following day it’ll be my “Revelation Riders Rodeo” T-shirt. Oh, boy!

The only thing I am very fond of and still get to wear regularly is the blue-‘n’-green checkered, thermal-lined cotton shirt my Sister gave me for Christmas eons ago. Along with my vests and my black leather jacket of old, this has been the most beloved article of clothing in my lifetime. It has been so practical that it’s been almost like a cowboy hat to me.

I have worn this shirt while camping, walking, flying, and driving. I’ve worn it while horribly sober and while pleasantly drunker’n you could possibly imagine! Innumerable are the nights I’ve gone to sleep in it! And almost every evening from December through March, I wear this shirt in my house to fight off the chill. (I’m wearing it right this very moment as I type this sentence!)

So many times I’ve told my Sister that she needs to find and buy me a new one 'cause I almost done-have worn this shirt out! It’s been one of the best Christmas gifts I’ve ever received.

Think I’m exaggerating? Below are photographs I took of this very shirt at about 16:30 this afternoon (that’s 4:30 PM to those of y’all who don’t know Military Time). I realize the shirt looks like a dog has been roughhousing with it for about six years but, take my word for it, no dog has ever had this shirt in its choppers. It was love, and love only, what dun this to the shirt. [Love’ll do this to ya!] :





The label just inside the collar gives the brand name of this shirt as ‘GRAND BANKS Outfitters’ and indicates that it was “Made In Guatemala”.



I’m sure this was a fairly inexpensive article of clothing, most likely found at a Ross Dress-For-Less store or something along those lines. All I know for sure is that . . . I NEEDS ME ANUDDER ONE O’ DEEZE SHIRTS!

This great shirt has outlasted most automobiles, marriages, wines, and fruitcakes. (Well, OK, maybe not fruitcakes – those things last forever!) But, clearly, as proven by the photographs above, this shirt probably has no more than another decade of service to provide before it bites the dust.

Two Qs:

#1) Anyone know where I can get me another one o’ these shirts?

#2) What is your own all-time favorite article of clothing, past or present?

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

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