THE BEST O’ BUZZES?

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Yesterday (actually, make that “today” – I’m a bit confused) I worked my first “graveyard” shift in many years. This graveyard work detail I’ve been assigned to supposedly goes through March. Unlike Rocky Balboa, I’m not even hoping to “go the distance”. It’s a forgone conclusion that I will get knocked out by this graveyard job; I’m merely trying to go as many rounds as possible before I’m KO’ed. (The bell for Round Two rings in two hours.)
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So, I got home and crawled into bed about 8:30 AM this morning, right after taking a 10 mg. Melatonin tablet and one of Brother Napoleon’s WAL-SOM nighttime sleep aid tablets (25 mg. of Doxylamine Succinate). I know from past experience that just one of those WAL-SOM tablets will hit me really hard and remain in my system for a very long time – I’m extremely susceptible to their effects for whatever biological reason.
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At 4:15 PM today, I was awakened by the barking of my neighbor’s dog, which must have smelled Brother Napoleon getting close to home after a long day at work. So I sez to myself, ‘Nappy will be coming through the front door any minute, making a lot of racket, so I might as well get outta bed now’, sez I.

I've brushed my teeth, and I’m drinking a bottle of ENERGY 2000, trying to wake up and shake off the dopey, cobweb effect of the WAL-SOM that’s still in my system, when the Napster comes in, and by 4:35 PM he’s eating a sandwich and drinking an Odell’s ‘Red Ale’.

Well, I’m feeling pretty hungry myself, so I microwave one of those Ramona’s chile relleno burritos I like so much. And as Nappy and I are eating and talking, that ‘Red Ale’ he is drinking is looking better’n better. To begin with, Odell's ‘Red Ale’ is one of the finest beers I’ve ever had, besides that, I am feeling thirsty and thinking about how good that would go down along with this chile relleno burrito.

So I break down, pop a ‘Red Ale’ open, and pour one down the chute. (Yes, one and one ONLY – I am perfectly capable of drinking just a single beer! Whaddaya think, I’m a lush or something? Whatever gave ya that idea?) I was right: Ramona’s chile relleno burrito and Odell's ‘Red Ale’ – “two great tastes that taste great together!”

So now I’ve got WAL-SOM in my body trying to put me back to sleep, and Energy 2000 in my body trying to rev me up, and 12 ounces of Odell’s ‘Red Ale’ in my bloodstream just mingling with the others and sayin’, “How-d’ya-do?”.
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With all those chemicals in the mix, simultaneously pulling and pushing me, slowing me down and speeding me up, it was like trying to shift into first gear and into reverse at the very same time. One might suppose that would leave a body in “neutral”, but what I found out is that SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE, and instead of me going forward or backward or idling in a parking space, it drove me STRAIGHT UP!

Hokey-Smoke, what a high! That was some seriously good stuffs! 
(I wonder what the street value of this chemical-combo would be.)

Within minutes of blasting off, I went to take a shower so Nappy and I could watch a DVD movie together before he went to bed. Getting into the shower stall, I stumbled and nearly tumbled. Then I almost washed my face with my Mane 'N Tail shampoo instead of my Walgreen’s ‘Gentle Skin Cleanser’.

I kid you not, peoples, I can state unequivocally that I’ve not felt THAT GOOD since 1974, when I had an erotic dream one night about Susan Dey.

~ Stephen T. McCarthy

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