“There's a sadness in the heart of things,” said the second Z-man. The first Z-man added, “It's life, and life only.” The Wizard warned, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” But then I dreamed the answer and I told it to them: “We have fallen asleep in God's embrace, having a nightmare that we are elsewhere.” So, now you understand what this Blog’s "stuffs" is all about.
. Yesterday (actually, make that “today” – I’m a bit confused) I worked my first “graveyard” shift in many years. This graveyard work detail I’ve been assigned to supposedly goes through March. Unlike Rocky Balboa, I’m not even hoping to “go the distance”. It’s a forgone conclusion that I will get knocked out by this graveyard job; I’m merely trying to go as many rounds as possible before I’m KO’ed. (The bell for Round Two rings in two hours.) . So, I got home and crawled into bed about 8:30 AM this morning, right after taking a 10 mg. Melatonin tablet and one of Brother Napoleon’s WAL-SOM nighttime sleep aid tablets (25 mg. of Doxylamine Succinate). I know from past experience that just one of those WAL-SOM tablets will hit me really hard and remain in my system for a very long time – I’m extremely susceptible to their effects for whatever biological reason. . At 4:15 PM today, I was awakened by the barking of my neighbor’s dog, which must have smelled Brother Napoleon getting close to home after a long day at work. So I sez to myself, ‘Nappy will be coming through the front door any minute, making a lot of racket, so I might as well get outta bed now’, sez I.
I've brushed my teeth, and I’m drinking a bottle of ENERGY 2000, trying to wake up and shake off the dopey, cobweb effect of the WAL-SOM that’s still in my system, when the Napster comes in, and by 4:35 PM he’s eating a sandwich and drinking an Odell’s ‘Red Ale’.
Well, I’m feeling pretty hungry myself, so I microwave one of those Ramona’s chile relleno burritos I like so much. And as Nappy and I are eating and talking, that ‘Red Ale’ he is drinking is looking better’n better. To begin with, Odell's ‘Red Ale’ is one of the finest beers I’ve ever had, besides that, I am feeling thirsty and thinking about how good that would go down along with this chile relleno burrito.
So I break down, pop a ‘Red Ale’ open, and pour one down the chute. (Yes, one and one ONLY – I am perfectly capable of drinking just a single beer! Whaddaya think, I’m a lush or something? Whatever gave ya that idea?) I was right: Ramona’s chile relleno burrito and Odell's ‘Red Ale’ – “two great tastes that taste great together!”
So now I’ve got WAL-SOM in my body trying to put me back to sleep, and Energy 2000 in my body trying to rev me up, and 12 ounces of Odell’s ‘Red Ale’ in my bloodstream just mingling with the others and sayin’, “How-d’ya-do?”. . With all those chemicals in the mix, simultaneously pulling and pushing me, slowing me down and speeding me up, it was like trying to shift into first gear and into reverse at the very same time. One might suppose that would leave a body in “neutral”, but what I found out is that SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE, and instead of me going forward or backward or idling in a parking space, it drove me STRAIGHTUP!
Hokey-Smoke, what a high! That was some seriously good stuffs! (I wonder what the street value of this chemical-combo would be.)
Within minutes of blasting off, I went to take a shower so Nappy and I could watch a DVD movie together before he went to bed. Getting into the shower stall, I stumbled and nearly tumbled. Then I almost washed my face with my Mane 'N Tail shampoo instead of my Walgreen’s ‘Gentle Skin Cleanser’.
I kid you not, peoples, I can state unequivocally that I’ve not felt THATGOOD since 1974, when I had an erotic dream one night about Susan Dey.
~ Stephen T. McCarthy
YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
. This List Is A Construction Zone – The Work Is Ongoing;
Please Pardon Our Dust And Wear Your Hard Hat: .
[If Film Noir were a painting it would be Edward Hopper’s ‘Nighthawks’.] . The very first movie I ever saw that one could categorize as Film Noir was likely ‘Sorry, Wrong Number’. I saw it when I was quite young, probably on television’s The Late Show, or something like that. I remember it scared me pretty good. . Some years later I made it a point to see Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Strangers On A Train’ because my Ma told me the first time she saw it that movie scared the bejabbers out of her. I believed her, too, because I’d never known her to be in possession of any bejabbers. . Over the years, I’ve viewed a lot of movies that fit into the Film Noir category, but I’m hardly the expert my dear friend The Flyin’ Aardvark is – she’s become my Film Noir confidante and advisor.
. . What, exactly, IS Film Noir? Well, that’s a question easier asked than answered. I don’t think there’s “exactly” a cut and dried response to that, as various opinions are abundant. . In his commentary for ‘Where The Sidewalk Ends’, Film Noir historian Eddie Muller joked: “With the Venetian blind shadows it’s now OFFICIALLY a film noir. I should do a study on that at some point and see if a movie can actually be Film Noir if it DOESN’T have Venetian blind shadows...”
. . Here’s a definition from the 20th Cetury Fox marketing department: . “Film noir, a classic film style of the ‘40s and ‘50s, is noted for its dark themes, stark camera angles and high-contrast lighting. Comprising many of Hollywood’s finest films, film noir tells realistic stories about crime, mystery, femmes fatales and moral conflict.” . That’s a pretty good, succinct definition. Except, of course, many of the elements of Film Noir extended well beyond the ‘50s and into the ‘60s, ‘70s, and beyond. But truly the “classic” era of Film Noir is the ‘40s and ‘50s, with its black and white cinematography. . If you’d like a more detailed description of this type of film, you can read ‘AMC: Film Noir – Part 1’ by clicking HERE. And there’s also some relevant information to be found at Movie Metropolis right HERE. . In 2004, I wrote a review for a Jazz album, ‘Signature’, by alto saxophonist Richie Cole. I titled the review ‘It Was A Rainy Night In Nineteen Eighty-Eight...’ and I took a Film Noir approach when describing my favorite instrumental on the album. When my good pal (and Film Noir expert) Flyin’ Aardvark read the review years later, she had this to say: . Wow. I love, Love, LOVE this review. I think you’ve covered all of the key elements of film noir in a couple of paragraphs (rain-swept streets, trench coats and fedoras, dicey transactions in dodgy establishments, tardy and temperamental dames). Such a clever way of reviewing a jazz album. . [I’ll add a link to that review at the bottom of this blog bit.]
. . In a more recent discussion with the Flyin’ Aard about Film Noir, I expressed what it is I find most appealing about the genre (even if some people argue that Noir isn’t really “a genre”)... . ...that wonderful Noir look I like so much, with lots of weird shadows and interesting visual compositions. ... The thing that draws me to the genre more than anything else is the “look” or “atmosphere” of it, and then that hard-boiled style of the detectives with the snappy, cynical dialogue and the now-“cliché” slang like “rod”, “gat”, “dame”, “blow”, etc. But most of all, it’s the dark, shadowy, steamy atmosphere that I like the most.
. . My personal definition of Film Noir goes like this: An urban crime story which includes the traditional Noir “high-contrast lighting” (mentioned above). If the movie also features a tough but semi-seedy and unsentimental, fedora-wearing, bourbon-drinking detective, a hot femme fatale and a voice-over narration, all the better! . Although movies like ‘Treasure Of The Sierra Madre’ and ‘Night Of The Hunter’ contain many of the elements commonly associated with Film Noir, I myself do not count them in the category because their settings are more rural than urban. . ‘Casablanca’ is a truly great movie and the debate has long raged about whether or not it is an example of Noir. I think it ought to be included in the Noir Canon because it utilizes almost every ingredient associated with the “genre”. And for every element that the naysayers use to argue against ‘Casablanca’ being considered an example of Film Noir, I could point to some other movie that is universally regarded as Noir but which also includes or fails to include whatever element the naysayer is picking on. . Nevertheless, this is one of the very rare times when I will allow the general “consensus” to influence me. Y’all know I’m a true maverick almost all of the time, but I’ll “give an inch” just this once and disqualify ‘Casablanca’ from my list because I don’t want to have to compose some long, time-consuming explanation for why I have included it, and also because when it comes to this subject, I’m willing to defer to the Flyin’ Aardvark, and she wrote: . I think [‘Casablanca’] has noir elements … but I have never really thought of it that way. … at its heart, I think of it as more of a romance picture – . [See, now in response to that I might write: “But what about ‘Criss Cross’, universally regarded as classic Noir and yet it isn’t any less a “romance” movie than is ‘Casablanca’?” But I won’t write that because I’m just not going to argue for Bogie’s White House.] . Conversely, plenty of people include ‘Citizen Kane’ on lists of early and classic Film Noir. Although one can make an argument for it when it comes to much of the lighting and camera work, and it is a “detective”/mystery story in a sense, the absence of a crime precludes it from qualifying for my own list.
. . Now then, below you will find my personal (but still under construction and open to revisions) list of Top Ten Film Noir Favorites + 2 (and minus ‘Casablanca’ which would have come in easily at#2 on this list if I had included it) but first . . . . Here is an entertaining scene of a Film Noir spoof featured in one of the most memorable episodes of the TV show ‘Moonlighting’ with Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd. As should be clear from the title, the classic they are having fun with is ‘The Postman Always Rings Twice’. It’s a comedic look at what Film Noir is all about; this’ll ‘splain the entire style in five minutes time: . 2x04 The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice
MY TOP TEN TODAY . #10: ‘The Maltese Falcon’ (1941)
Stars: Humphrey Bogart; Peter Lorre; Mary Astor; Sydney Greenstreet
Director: Walter Huston . “When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it!”
~ Sam Spade . A
very complex detective story about a collection of connivers attempting
to get possession of a jewel-encrusted black falcon statuette – “the
stuffS that dreams are made of.”
#9: ‘Double Indemnity’ (1944)
Stars: Fred MacMurray; Barbara Stanwyck; Edward G. Robinson
Director: Billy Wilder . “Who'd you think I was anyway? The guy that walks into a good looking dame's front parlour and says, ‘Good afternoon, I sell accident insurance on husbands... you got one that's been around too long? One you'd like to turn into a little hard cash?’”
~ Walter Neff . An insurance salesman helps a woman murder her husband. He does it for the money and he does it for the woman. He doesn't get the money, and he doesn't get the woman. ... #8: ‘CapeFear’ (1962)
Stars: Robert Mitchum; Gregory Peck
Director: J. Lee Thompson . “I got somethin' planned for your wife and kid that they ain't nevah gonna forget. They ain't nevah gonna forget it... and neither will you, Counselor! Nevah!”
~ Max Cady . By targeting his family, an ex-convict seeks revenge on the lawyer who prosecuted him. This, the original, is 100 times better than the atrocious, comic book “horror” movie remake starring Robert DeNiro in 1991. . Unlike DeNiro’s caricature performance, Mitchum plays the ex-con with such a subtle, understated but unmistakably brewing anger that the menace is truly palpable, making Max Cady one of the greatest film villains evah! . #7: ‘The Strange Love Of Martha Ivers’ (1946)
Stars: Van Heflin, Kirk Douglas, Barbara Stanwyck
Director: Lewis Milestone . Walter O'Neil: “I wasn't going to shoot.”
Sam Masterson: “I wasn't going to wait and see.” . Young heiress Martha Ivers is prevented from running away with her friend Sam Masterson, and subsequently becomes involved in fatal events. Many years later, Sam’s car breaks down in his boyhood town and his reappearance draws him into a conspiratorial web of scheming. . I don’t usually go for the blondes, but there was something appealing about the sultry “bad girl” 'Toni' Marachek that got my attention ...and kept it. Van Heflin – hate his wavy hair, but he played a very charismatic tough guy. . #6: ‘Key Largo’ (1948)
Stars: Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Edward G. Robinson
Director: John Huston . “Nobody messes with Johnny Rocco, see?”
~ Johnny Rocco . A group of dissimilar individuals are held captive in a Florida Keys hotel by a gang of hoodlums waiting out a storm so they can make good their escape from the law. . KEY LARGO
Director: Edward Dmytryk . “I tried to picture him in love with somebody... but it didn't work.”
~ Philip Marlowe . Another complex detective story, this one about a stolen necklace and... MURDER! . Claire
Trevor – one of my all-time favorite actresses – plays the femme
fatale, and Powell turns in a performance that the story’s author,
Raymond Chandler, said was his favorite screen version of Detective
Marlowe. . For a tough private investigator, Marlowe sure takes one beating after another in this movie... but he keeps on ticking.
Director: Orson Welles . “An old lady on Main Street last night picked up a shoe. The shoe had a foot in it. We're gonna make you pay for that mess.”
~ Police Captain Hank Quinlan . A Mexican narcotics officer attempts to solve a murder while simultaneously having to combat a corrupt American police captain and his Good Ol’ Boy network. . Imagine a Film Noir story constructed by the same man who directed and starred in ‘Citizen Kane’. Well, that’s what you have here, and so naturally it is “Grand” in every sense of the word! . As seems to be the case in much Film Noir, there is a convoluted storyline, a couple of plot holes, and some weird stuffs goin’ on (likeMarlene Dietrich in the role of a Mexican madam, and some White dudes trying to play young Mexican thugs, etc.) . Charleton Heston may not be entirely believable as a Mexican official, but damned if he doesn’t look almost exactly like Vicente Fox! However, there are some wildly interesting performances here, one by Welles, but also by a couple of minor players. . The real star of the movie in my book, though, is the atmosphere and cinematography, beginning with one outrageously creative, fantastic, single-shot street scene of nearly three and a half minutes duration – the greatest cinematic opening I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch! . Many viewers probably wouldn’t even notice what an amazing shot ‘Touch Of Evil’ starts with, and most have no idea what sort of work, plotting, timing, camera-crane/dollying action went into creating that editless opening (right up until the moment the car explodes), but I sat there astonished by it. I even had to go back and replay that opening scene again after the movie was over to relive the genius of it! . No question, Orson Welles was an over-the-top brilliant director, and how he was able to conceive using Venice Beach, California, in the role of a small, decrepit town on the American/Mexican border, and make it look so gosh-darned “Film Noir-y” is testament to his rare cinematic vision. VeniceBeach? - A Mexican border town? On the surface it sounds preposterous but . . . only the mind of Orson Welles:
. . If for no other reason, ‘Touch Of Evil’ should be seen just for the astounding sets, classic Noir atmosphere, and ingenious cinematography. This is the stuffs I watch Noir for! . #3: ‘Night And The City’ (1950)
Stars: Richard Widmark, Gene Tierney
Director: Jules Dassin . "No, dear boy, I am not giving you two-hundred quid. I am giving you the sharp edge of the knife." ~ Philip Nosseross
. . No Film Noir looks better than 'Night And The City'. This one takes place in London, where indebted, on-the-ropes hustler Harry Fabian turns family members against each other as he attempts to gain control of the professional wrestling racket and finally make his mark in the world. . There are several characters with various agendas that collide in this fabulously moody, atmospheric movie. This is exactly what I want my Film Noir to look like! The cinematography is artful and beautiful and but for a too-long and somewhat too hysterical wrestling scene, ‘Night And The City’ would probably have scored the #2 spot on my list. It could easily have been titled ‘Loser On The Run’. . #2: ‘Where The Sidewalk Ends’ (1950)
Stars: Dana Andrews, Gene Tierney
Director: Otto Preminger . “I could use a drink.”
~ Detective Mark Dixon . . Sgt. Mark Dixon is trying to be something his dad wasn’t: a guy on the right side of the law. But his zeal and his ability to rough up the bad guys gets him in hot water with his boss at the police precinct. . After he’s warned to cease his violent crusade against the criminal element, fate pulls Dixon in further. He becomes responsible for an accidental death which he covers up. Afterwards, the father of the woman Dixon has fallen in love with is accused of the murder and all the evidence points to the old man’s guilt. What’s a cop to do? . This one might well be the template for all the ‘semi-bad good cop’ / “I’m taking you off the case, McCallahan”-type police movies that came later.
. . Dana Andrews makes an ideal hard-boiled, tough-as-nails Film Noir detective; Andrews looks the way I want my detectives to look, and the movie puts New York in the perfect Noir light! The sets, the atmosphere, the cast... picture perfect! . ‘Where The Sidewalk Ends’ is one of three on my list [along with #6 and #8] that my friend the Flyin’ Aardvark recommended to me. . #1: ‘Sunset Boulevard’ (1950)
Stars: William Holden, Gloria Swanson
Director: Billy Wilder . “Alright, Mister DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up”.
~ Norma Desmond
. William Holden (one of my very favorite actors, along with James Dean and John Wayne) plays down-on-his-luck screenwriter Joe Gillis who uses the body, money, and mansion of Norma Desmond, a forgotten silent film star who dreams of making a comeback“return” to the silver screen. Gillis becomes increasingly uncomfortable with his lifestyle while Desmond clings more and more desperately to him as she dives deeper and deeper into her delusions. . Gloria Swanson gives a performance for the ages as Norma Desmond, which Harriet Sansom Harris hilariously channeled decades later in her TV role as Bebe Glazer, Frasier Crane’s conniving agent. . Look, any movie that begins with the image of a man floating face down in a swimming pool while the voice-over narration of the dead man himself begins explaining to the viewer how he ended up in this condition couldn’t be anything but great! . ‘Sunset Boulevard’ is Hollyweird self-criticism, black comedy, and Noir at its “noirest”. It’s also an absolute classic, a genuine masterpiece that was selected by the Library of Congress for preservation in the National Film Registry due to its being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant".
[Joe Gillis: “The poor dope - he always wanted a pool. Well, in the end, he got himself a pool.”] . HONORABLE / DISHONORABLE MENTION . ‘Out Of The Past’ (1947)
Stars: Robert Mitchum; Kirk Douglas
Director: Jacques Tourneur . Kathie Moffat: “Oh, Jeff, you ought to have killed me for what I did a moment ago.”
Jeff Bailey: “There's time.” . . A private detective is hired by a gangster to investigate the disappearance of his girlfriend. In many ways, this is the quintessential example of Film Noir, with some of the snappiest dialogue you’ll find in a movie of this type. . Unfortunately, I have rarely seen a movie fall so quickly and so completely apart as this one does: the last 3-5 minutes contains three preposterously illogical plot holes/dumb character actions. It’s almost as if the filmmakers said: “We MUST find a way to make this story end badly!” . Even so, ‘Out Of The Past’ contains everything anyone would watch a Film Noir for, and the first 92 minutes were so good that I simply had to mention it here despite the utterly ridiculous ending. . TWO FILM NOIR SPOOFS I DIG . 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' (1988)
Stars: Bob Hoskins, Christopher Lloyd, Roger Rabbit, Baby Herman . “I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.”
~ Jessica Rabbit, cartoon femme fatale extraordinaire . In ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’, real actors and actresses play out their scenes while interacting with animated cartoon characters; it’s a world inhabited by both people and ‘toons. . The movie is really a takeoff on or a burlesque of Jack Nicholson’s 1974 neo-Noir film ‘Chinatown’. In ‘Roger Rabbit’, Chinatown becomes Toontown, and the mystery pertaining to Los Angeles water rights becomes a mystery concerning the acquisition of land to be used in the construction of L.A.’s first freeway system. If ‘Roger Rabbit’ is not Noir, then neither is ‘Chinatown’. . I suspect everyone has already seen ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’, but shame on anyone who hasn’t. It’s one of my all-time Top 25 Favorite Movies, made all the more enjoyable by a viewer’s knowledge of ‘Chinatown’ which this half-animated 1988 classic “drew” from. . ‘Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid’ (1982)
Stars: Steve Martin, Rachel Ward
Director: Carl Reiner . In this very clever, imaginative comedy, Martin plays private investigator Rigby Reardon, who is hired by a woman to… whatever… investigate something. . What makes this so much fun is that a bunch of clips from old Film Noir movies have been edited into the scenes with Steve Martin, making it appear as if he is really interacting with the likes of Humphrey Bogart, et al. . Here’s an example of one of my very favorite moments: . Charles Laughton: “We know who you are, Mr. Rigby.”
Rigby Reardon: “I'm interested. Who am I?” Charles Laughton: “You could be a guy who collects 10,000 dollars, just to leave this stinking town.” Rigby Reardon: “I could, could I?” Charles Laughton: “You know who I could be?” Rigby Reardon: “The Hunchback of Notre Dame?” . ‘Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid’ is as insane and loony as its title indicates; it’s funny in a very screwball, wacky way. I recommended it to my friend the Flyin’ Aardvark and she didn’t like it at all. ...But I still refuse to believe that about her:
. . As I said at the top, my list isn’t necessarily etched in stone yet. As I view more Film Noir over the years my selections might change slightly. Someday I’d like to see ‘City That Never Sleeps’, in which the city of Chicago narrates the story that takes place on its own turf (gotta see how they pull that off!) . If any of y’all know of other must-see Film Noir productions that ya think I may not have already watched, please sing out! Yer recommendations will be appreciated. .
. [‘I Can Has Cheezburger’ LOL created by ProvDog – that’s this STMcC cat whose ‘Stuffs’ you’ve been reading!] . THE FLYIN’ AARDVARK’S FAVORITES
. Here is an alphabetized list of my Pal’s first 11 Film Noir choices: . ‘Black Angel’ – “Dan Duryea, Peter Lorre, Broderick Crawford and based on a Cornell Woolrich story.” . ‘Double Indemnity’ . ‘M’ – “I guess the original would top the list.” . ‘The Maltese Falcon’ . ‘Murder, My Sweet’ – “Dick Powell playing Philip Marlowe, along with the great Claire Trevor.” . ‘Night of the Hunter’ . ‘Out of the Past’ – “Robert Mitchum, Jane Greer and Kirk Douglas. Great classic noir.” . ‘Phantom Lady’ – “Gorgeous Ella Raines tries to prove her boss didn't kill his wife by tracking down the elusive woman he spent the evening with. … A wonderfully deranged performance by character actor Elijah Wood, Jr.” . ‘Shadow of a Doubt’ – “Joseph Cotton as a wonderfully evil Blue Beard uncle visiting his adoring sister's family.” . ‘The Strange Love of Martha Ivers’ – “Completely weird, but great performances by Barbara Stanwyck, Van Heflin, Lizbeth Scott and Kirk Douglas.” . ‘Sunset Boulevard’ . ~ Stephen T. McCarthy . LINKS
. YE OLDE COMMENT POLICY: All comments, pro and con, are welcome. However, ad hominem attacks and disrespectful epithets will not be tolerated (read: "posted"). After all, this isn’t Amazon.com, so I don’t have to put up with that kind of bovine excrement.
. From time to time a fleeting thought would run through my mind and I’d consider composing a blog bit about the years I spent working on the popular television show M*A*S*H. . But then I’d think: Nahhhhh. . However, just a few nights ago I received my second request for it. . I had first mentioned the idea in a blog bit last August, and my blog buddyette Alliterative Allomorph (or “AlliAllo” for short) commented: “I'd LOVE to hear about the time you worked for MASH! Next blog project?” . Then a few nights ago, my dearly beloved Brother Napoleon (or Nappy for short) and I started yakkin’ about the old days, and he suggested I write something for my blog about my years on M*A*S*H. He even went so far as to get his cell phone camera and took a few pictures of a picture of me in the book ‘The Last Days Of MASH’. Which was ironically funny since I’m usually buggin’ him to loan me his cell phone camera so I can take some pictures for my blogs, and he’s usually grumbling about having to transmit the photos that I take to our computer.
I thought: OK, that’s two requests, and one even came from grumpy Nappy. And if I was ever going to write a blog bit about M*A*S*H, I knew there was no time to waste.
So, by popular demand (uh… two readers: a friend and a Bro), here it is, M*A*S*HS*T*U*F*F*S, thrown together quickly because time is short.
Although I’ve always loved the theme instrumental for the TV show MASH (‘Suicide Is Painless’), finding it bittersweet and lovely (and probably my second favorite theme song after ‘WKRP In Cincinnati’), ironically, I was never a fan of MASH. And I’m still not. Despite the fact I’m still receiving occasional (small) residual checks for work I did on the show beginning in 1978. Oh, I’m every bit as anti-war as anyone who ever wrote or acted on MASH. Nevertheless, MASH was way too Leftist for my tastes!
THE LAST DAYS OF M*A*S*H
‘The Last Days Of MASH’ is a 1983 book by Alan and Arlene Alda, which chronicles the final days of shooting during the 11th and final season of MASH.
My name appears in it, and so does my image, in a couple of photographs taken on the MASH set.
Below is a photograph that appears in the book ‘The Last Days Of MASH’ which features much of the cast and crew of MASH from its last season.
I can still remember that photograph being taken. I and my coworkers were done with filming for the day but we were invited to stick around for the 11th Season MASH picture that would be taken after a couple of “pick-up shots” were completed.
Most of my friends elected to remain in their “fatigues” for the photo that would be taken in about 30 or so minutes. Me, I got to thinking: Well, if I change out of my fatigues now, and into my street clothes, I won’t have to go back to the Wardrobe Department after the picture is taken; I will be able to go directly home.
Years later, I regretted that I had not remained in my “costume”, which would have shown me to be a “G.I.” and part of the cast. But now, it actually makes it easier for me to point myself out to you. Here is the 11th Season photo:
[Photo of a photo by Brother Nappy. That’s Harry Morgan (Col. Potter), second row up and center, and William Christopher (Father Mulcahy) to his right, in the white hat. The third person down from William Christopher – in the red leather motorcycle jacket with a black and white Los Angeles Raiders T-shirt underneath – is This Blogger. Directly to Morgan’s left is Loretta Swit (“Hot Lips” Houlihan) and to her left is Mike Farrell (B.J. Hunnicutt) with the white, long-sleeved shirt. Next to him is Jamie Farr (Maxwell Klinger). In the third row from bottom, directly above Morgan, is Alan Alda, (Hawkeye Pierce).]
[Photo of photo by Brother Nappy.]
[Photo of photo by Brother Nappy. NOTE: I was wearing that same Los Angeles Raiders football T-shirt for a year or two BEFORE the Raiders actually moved from Oakland to L.A.]
SURPRISING S*T*U*F*F*S
A few years ago, something inspired me to do some Internet research, to find out how many seasons I’d worked on MASH. My perception was that I’d worked on it for the last two seasons. I was startled to discover that I had actually worked on the show during its final five seasons!
MASH ran for 11 seasons. I was almost dumbfounded when I realized that I had worked on it for only half-a-season shy of 50% of its lifetime!
A couple years back, Brother Nappy gave me a Barnes & Noble gift card for Christmas. I hadn’t seen most of the MASH episodes I’d worked on since their initial television showings (and some of them I’d NEVER seen, because I rarely watched MASH), and I knew that I was unlikely to spend my own hard-earned money on MASH DVDs. So, I decided to apply Nappy’s gift card toward some MASH DVD sets. And that got me started.
Watching those old seasons of MASH decades later, and finding myself in episode after episode was almost surreal. I was regularly doing ‘Background’ (or, ‘Extra’) work on MASH beginning with Season 7 which premiered on September 18, 1978. It took about a week to film a single MASH episode, and there were some weeks (episodes) I never worked on it at all. But overall, I would say that from Season 7 through its final Season 11, I may have averaged two days per week of work on MASH. In other words, I can spot myself in the vast majority of the episodes over its final 5 seasons.
THOUGHTS THEN AND NOW
At the time, I was daily involved in Background work in movies, television shows, and TV commercials – it was just the way I supported myself – and I was never one to be “star-struck”, so I didn’t particularly have much esteem for what I was doing. Honestly, it was just a job to me, and I always hoped for a short day of filming so I could get back to my “real life” – mostly partying with my friends, ‘The League Of Soul Crusaders’ at Bay Street.
20th Century Fox and MGM were “good” jobs because they were close to my house. Warner Brothers and Universal Studios were “bad” jobs because they required that I drive out to “The Valley”. A job at Paramount studios was “middle ground” – in grungy Hollywood, but at least it wasn’t in “The Valley”.
When I became a “regular” on MASH, it was a blessing because MASH was filmed on Stage 9 at 20th Century Fox.
That’s truly the way I thought about it back then. What the hell did I know? I was just a young man. My goal was to become the greatest actor since James Dean, and working on sets, getting pegged to act in a small but notable bit in a show, or picking up a couple lines of dialogue here and there was just my “day job”. It would be many years – long after I’d left “The Industry” - before I realized what a unique and special position I was in and how fortunate I was to be doing what I was doing.
SOME S*T*U*F*F*S I DON’T REMEMBER
In watching these DVDs decades later, I was rather shocked to find myself prominently visible in a number of episodes/scenes that I had no recollection of whatsover! Sure, I could recall the episodes where I had dialogue. But there were times when I felt like I was watching some OTHER performer, because I had no remembrance of being involved in the shooting of those scenes.
For example: In the 9th episode (‘Taking The Fifth’) of Season 9, the story revolves around an issue with the 4077th MASH unit receiving anesthetics that are not potent enough to keep the patients “under” while the surgeries are performed. In one scene, B.J. Hunnicutt makes a joke to a patient about to undergo surgery. Suddenly the patient begins fighting to get off Dr. Hunnicutt’s operating table and it takes several orderlies and nurses to restrain him.
As I was watching that scene, I began to think: That looks like me!
And sure enough, it was! Although I had no recollection of that scene, nor even of that episode, when I put the DVD player on ‘pause’ and then watched that scene frame-by-frame, I easily recognized the unusual birthmark I have on my left forearm, proving that I was “the fighting patient”. (Obviously, all of my fighting was “a lot of flailing about, signifying nuttin’”; had I really wanted to get off that operating table, those orderlies and nurses couldn’t have prevented me from it.)
Another one of the several scenes I’d not remembered being involved in is found in Episode 12 (‘Blood And Guts’) of Season 10. There’s a scene in the Officer’s Club, and in the background, I steal another person’s beer (bartender Roy Goldman pretends to be shocked that I would do that) and I act as if I’ve got a pretty good buzz on. It’s not likely that many viewers would pick up on that Background activity, but it tickled me to see, decades later, how I had invented interesting “business” while performing basic Background duty – none of which I had recalled.
Some of the S*T*U*F*F*S I really enjoyed discovering was the continuity errors that no viewer was likely to notice. There were many. For instance: In Episode 15 (‘Bottom’s Up’) of Season 9, I’m being operated on when Nurse Kellye – played by Kellye Nakahara – nearly gives me the wrong blood type. In the VERY NEXT SCENE, I am visible in the Mess Tent and booing Hawkeye Pierce. (Yeah, the patients recuperated QUICKLY at the 4077th).
[Incidentally: I spent a lot of “down-time” over the years talking with other cast members, including the very popular Kellye Nakahara (“Nurse Kellye”) who, as I recall, had a degree in English Literature. I remember one day in particular when she asked to see a poem I’d written – ‘The Mad Dog’ – and she was impressed by it, comparing me to Stephen King. She may have been B.S.-ing a bit with the Stephen King comparison, but I could tell she was genuinely impressed by the poem.]
I found several back-to-back scenes like that: In one scene I’m being operated on or I’m laid-up in Post-Op with my head all bandaged, and in the next scene, I’m walking through the MASH compound or I’m standing just outside Hawkeye’s and B.J.’s tent, “The Swamp”, and tossing a football back and forth with another G.I. Funny stuffs.
I watched the 2 1/2–hour final episode ‘Goodbye, Farewell, And Amen’ on DVD. I hadn’t seen it since it aired on TV. I thought it was overrated then, and I thought it was overrated upon my second viewing as well.
But as I was watching the scene where the Korean War is declared “over”, and saw all the people in the camp celebrating, I thought to myself: Gee, it would have been really cool to have been involved in THAT particular scene!
Wouldn’t that be neat to be able to say you were one of the celebrating soldiers when the war was finally declared finished on M*A*S*H?
And then, son-of-a-gun, I spotted myself in the scene! I had no recollection of it at all, and yet there I was in the very scene I had just been wishing I could have been included in!
[At the 15-second mark, at the very far right edge of the frame, you can see a guy in a funky brown robe walking along and then he looks back at the truck of Korean musicians as it goes down the road. That’s me. And at the 41-43 second point, you can see me again, jumping around like an idiot.]
SOME S*T*U*F*F*S I DO REMEMBER
Naturally, I recall all the episodes in which I had some dialogue to deliver or was involved in some piece of important business that was crucial to the scene.
The M*A*S*H page at Wikipedia includes a section that highlights 16 UnusualEpisodes. I know that I played a part in at least two of them.
Probably the most significant of the two was an episode titled “Life Time” in Season 8. That is one episode that every major MASH fan always seems to remember. Wikipedia says this:
"LifeTime" (originally aired November 26, 1979), which takes place in real time as the surgeons perform an operation that must be completed within 20 minutes (a clock in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen counts down the time).
The basic plot is that one soldier named Sherwood has suffered such a massive head wound that he is sure to die and there is nothing the surgeons at the 4077th can do to save him. At the same time, another badly injured soldier needs an aorta graft within a certain number of minutes if he is to survive and/or not lose the use of his legs. So the doctors are hoping Sherwood will die in time to take a piece of his aorta and transplant it into the second soldier.
Meanwhile, Sherwood’s best buddy, Roberts – played by actor Kevin Brophy – is angry that no one is attempting to save the life of his friend. What really made the episode so memorable to so many MASH fans is that a small clock in the corner of the screen kept track of the minutes in "real time", showing how much time was left to save the second soldier.
Would Sherwood die in time? Well, IwasSherwood, and sure I would! Being a good boy who cares about the welfare of others, of course I died in time! I was supposed to be in a coma the entire episode, essentially brain-dead (a victim of typecasting!) due to the head wound. So I never said anything, I just did a little gasping and heavy breathing before croaking.
I recall that between shots, Kevin Brophy struck up a conversation with me and began asking a number of personal questions. At one point I laughed and said, “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get to know me on a personal level so you can make the scenes more meaningful for you.” (I had spent a lot of money and time in professional acting classes and workshops over the years, so I was aware of all the tricks, including that one.)
Kevin admitted that I had discerned his motivation for all the discussion and the questions. I didn’t blame him at all - it’s the exact same thing I would have been doing had I been in his shoes; that’s just the sign of a person who has really studied, understands, and respects their craft.
Another one that made Wikipedia’s ‘UnusualEpisodes’ list was . . .
"Follies of the Living—Concerns of the Dead" (originally aired January 4, 1982), in which a dead soldier's ghost (Kario Salem) wanders around the compound, and only a feverish Klinger is able to see him or speak with him.
In that episode I provided a couple lines of voice-over dialogue. While the dead soldier is wandering around, he hears disembodied voices discussing things that seem important to the living but are of less concern to the dead. I remember recording my lines one day just before we broke for lunch. And I’m the bloke you hear (but don’t see) saying: “I just don’t love her anymore. It’s all over between us.”
I can find myself in most of the MASH episodes of the final 5 seasons, maybe in a driver’s education class, drinking beer at Rosie’s or in the Officer’s Club, playing in a floating craps game, etc. I remember some of those scenes being filmed, but most of them I do not.
Episode 3 of Season 7 is called ‘Lil’, in which ...“Colonel Potter meets a female soldier of the same age and interests as himself, named Lil. The others in the camp think that he might be cheating on Mildred, even though his friendship with Lil is completely platonic.”
There’s a scene in that episode when Potter gives Lil a tour of the Post-Op facility. At one point she looks down at a young wounded soldier asleep on a cot and she says something like: Look at that boy. He should be on a playground, not on a battlefield.
Then it cuts to a big close-up of my sweet and innocent face – me bandaged and asleep on the cot, looking like a wounded young angel.
What’s fairly funny is that at the time I was living something of a double-life. To the people on the MASH set I was that respectful, reserved, even shy, nice young man. Away from the set, and with my Bay Street “League” buddies, I was one of them: a rather wild, kinda funny, intense, semi-tough semi-hood, half outta control, "half-drunk half the time and all drunk the rest", stayin’ out until all hours of the wee bit o’ the mornin’, bar-hoppin' and just raisin’ hell:
There’s a better than even chance that when that footage of my sweet and innocent face was filmed for the ‘Lil’ episode, I was hungover and just dreamin’ about getting home to a lotta hair of the dog that bit me.
Below is a short clip I found at YouTube. It shows me in the Officer’s Club watching a woman play piano. That’s me in the background, just on the other side of the pianist, standing next to (Perry) the Black soldier. I’ve got a drink in my hands at first, and then I set my drink down and continue to watch with my hands in the pockets of my army pants:
The two actors I spent the most time speaking with and got to like best were, first, Gary Burghoff who played Radar O’Reilly, and then later - after Burghoff left the show - David Ogden Stiers who played Charles Winchester.
I got to know Gary Burghoff as a result of my drawing and his love of art. I would often spend all that “waiting time” between shot set-ups drawing pictures in my sketch books. One day early on during my first season working on MASH we were shooting exteriors at the Malibu site and I was sitting in the Post-Op structure (which also served as the Wardrobe Dept.) and drawing in a sketch book. Gary walked by, saw what I was doing, struck up a conversation with me, and then sat down, asking if he could look through my sketch book.
Gary was intrigued by what he saw and we wound up in a long and rather deep conversation. Somehow we got onto the topic of spirituality; I probably recommended to him the Richard Bach book ‘ILLUSIONS: TheAdventuresOfAReluctantMessiah’, and he suggested I read ‘NOTESTOMYSELF’ by Hugh Prather. I jotted it down on the back cover of a sketch book (getting both the title and the name of the author wrong, although I did later get the book and read it).
At that time, Gary paid me what to this day is the most memorable compliment I’ve ever received. He said: “I think you’re a creative genius”.
And putting his money where his mouth was, thus proving he wasn’t just blowing smoke, Gary wrote his phone number in my sketch book and commissioned me to produce a large drawing for him, which he added to his growing art collection. It was quite an honor, and something that still makes me feel all good ‘n’ sh!t.
I did believe that I was destined for big things. (And you can plainly see how that turned out.)
Gary Burghoff left the show at the beginning of Season 8, and later I got to know David Ogden Stiers a little bit (it was he who recommended I read John Steinbeck’s book ‘SWEETTHURSDAY’, which I did). I always felt that Stiers was actually the best, most talented actor in the MASH cast.
There’s another episode in Season 10 in which I had a small, two-line part. I made a decision to deliver the lines as a façade, a deliberate attempt to cloak an altogether different motivation than what the lines superficially appeared to indicate.
The next day, David Ogden Stiers pulled me aside and said: “I just saw the dailies [meaning: footage of the previous day’s shooting unedited], and what you did was the very essence of acting.”
Coming as it did from the actor whom I considered to be the most talented MASH cast member, that was high praise, and I was totally thrilled by his remark. Hell, I’m STILL thrilled by it! I was surprised and honored that the best actor on MASH had recognized the “subtle, extra little layer of texture” I had added to a simple two-line part.
[NOTE: All these years later, I still find it peculiar when I reflect on what little guidance and input performers on MASH received. There were a couple of times when lines of dialogue or things I was given to perform could have been presented in a variety of different ways. Not once was I ever approached by a director, writer, or star and advised that “this way” or “that way” was the interpretation they were seeking or hoping for.]
THE EPISODE I SIMPLY HAD TO WATCH!
Not being a fan of MASH, I didn’t watch a lot of the episodes. Naturally, I made it a point to catch the ones where I had something to say or some “silent bit” that was important. But the rest of ‘em . . . eh, whatever! However, there was one show I made it a point to see. In the 8th season there was an episode titled ‘Dreams’.
Unless one had a small part in the show, he or she wouldn’t be in possession of a script, so one could only guess as to what the show was about based on the scenes he/she was working in.
I did not have a script for the ‘Dreams’ episode, and I remember watching all these highly unusual scenes being filmed and wondering: What in the hell is this episode about?
I was standing just beyond the camera’s view when that scene of Major Winchester dancing with lit sparklers in his hands was shot. I was just scratching my head in wonder.
They had opened the giant barn-like door of Stage 9 to shoot the scene with Father Mulcahy; all this LIGHT was filling the soundstage - I had never seen it so illuminated before, and I couldn’t imagine how all these things were going to be tied together to create a MASH episode. So I thought: OK, I simply MUST watch this episode when it airs!
As it turned out, I think ‘Dreams’ was one of the finest MASH episodes ever constructed.
BEHIND THE S*C*E*N*E*S AND UNDER THE SHEETS
I know some people would probably like me to dish some dirt. I really don’t have any to dish out. If there was any friction amongst the principals (and it’s nearly impossible to think there never was), it was all handled elsewhere; I never saw any arguments or ego explosions in my 5 years on the set.
The “juiciest” gossip I can come up with is that I felt Loretta Swit wore too much perfume; I could always smell her coming, and I knew where she had been long after she’d left. Sorry, that’s the best I gots!
Everyone got along with each other really well on the set and there truly was a kind of family-like atmosphere amongst the major players, the minor players, the technicians and even the caterer; it was an extremely friendly place to work and I only wish I had appreciated that gig more at the time.
Harry Morgan used to often tell stories of the “old Hollywood days” to his fellow stars, and I remember one time passing by an open door when I heard him saying to the others: “He couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. They tried it once: they put him in a paper bag and he couldn’t act his way out of it”.
I thought that was really funny. To this day I don’t know who Harry Morgan was talking about and I’ve always regretted that I didn’t ask him later in the afternoon. But I loved that bit so much that I later stole it and used it against Nick Nolte when writing a review of the movie ‘Hotel Rwanda’.
There’s a lot of waiting around between shots on a movie or television set while the camera-work and the lighting is being worked out. I spent most of my “waiting time” either drawing in my sketch books (usually in the Mess Tent unless it was being used in the shot) or just lying on one of the cots in Hawkeye’s and Hunnicutt’s “Swamp”.
I took the job seriously, and was always standing by when I was needed for a scene, but I could basically tell by what they were currently shooting and how many pages of dialogue it entailed, how long it would be before I was needed, so slipping away to the “Swamp” for a little eye-rest was perfectly acceptable.
MASH was filmed in two places: Nearly all of the interiors were shot on Stage 9 at 20th Century Fox studio, and most of the exteriors were shot at Malibu Creek State Park.
I didn’t really like the Malibu shoots because it meant having to get up before the Sun did and driving 30-40 minutes up to Malibu along the Pacific Coast Highway in the dark. Once at the park, we would be shuttled in minivans about 15-minutes deeper into the canyon where the outdoor set was constructed.
True, getting the “Malibu call” meant a free, all-I-could-eat lunch provided by a good Hollywood caterer, but it also meant a long, full, busy day under the hot Sun in a dusty canyon.
I greatly preferred the Fox studio “Stage 9 call”, which was much more common. Fox was only about 15 minutes from my house, and sometimes it would mean a shorter work day.
The MASH production company spent Tuesday, December 9, 1980, shooting externals at its Malibu canyon location. The only reason I remember that so clearly is because that’s where I was when I saw the newspaper story that told of John Lenin'sLennon’s murder. I saw a newspaper lying on a bench in the Wardrobe Department, and for a good part of that morning, all the talk on the set was about Lennon having been shot and killed.
On Stage 9, the compound was set up just as it looked in Malibu, but it was slightly more compressed, meaning the tents and structures were a bit closer to each other in proximity due to space limitations.
The floor was rubberized with some very dark grey material so that many performers (i.e., soldiers, doctors, nurses) could walk around during a scene without their footsteps being picked up on the microphone that was recording the actors’ dialogue.
When you see a night scene taking place in the 4077th compound – even an EXTERNAL night scene - know that it was almost certainly filmed on Stage 9 at Fox. The external day scenes are from the Malibu Creek State Park canyon, while the external night scenes are on the stage at Fox studio, and if you concentrate on it, you will be able to notice that at night, all the tents at the 4077th are a little closer together than they are during the day shots.
The scenes I most disliked working in (and I worked in A LOT of them) were those filmed in the Operation Room. It seemed to me that most of the time the scenes we did in the O.R. were shot immediately after returning from lunch. So we’d return to the set after having eaten a lot of food, and immediately we young dudes would be placed underthesheets for “our operations”.
Well, you know what happens when it’s after noon and you’ve just eaten a lot of food, right? The body tends to want to “sleep it off”. And THAT’S when they’d most often put us on tables, cover us with sheets, and film these scenes that felt like they took forever.
Yeah, you can count on it: some of those patients in those scenes are really ASLEEP! As I recall, once or twice a take had to be reshot because some patient started snoring in the middle of an actor’s dialogue.
I never wanted to be “that guy” who started snoring during an O.R. scene. However, what I dreaded even more than ruining a take by snoring, was perhaps falling asleep and then having a natural, biological… uh, “guy” thang occur. Knowwhatahmean?
Believe me, that would have been noticed, and how do you ever “live something like that DOWN”?
So, I fought hard . . . er-- I mean, I tried to remain mentally alert as much as possible, so I wouldn’t fall asleep, wouldn’t snore, wouldn’t . . . snap to attention (even though I was “in the army now”).
More than once I thought to myself: Why do they always feel a need to shoot these O.R. scenes right after lunch? Is it a conspiracy agin us guys?
I think I probably dozed off a few times while under a sheet and under the knife in the O.R., but only momentarily – not long enough to do any damage to a scene or to my reputation.
THE E*N*D OF M*A*S*H
I still vividly recall the final scene of MASH. I was fully aware of the magnitude of the moment and of all the hype - it was impossible not to be, with all the reporters hanging around the set and all the film crews filming the MASH film crew.
But even so, it didn’t mean all that much to me at the time, and it wasn’t until many years later that I realized how special it was to have been in the last shot that the MASH production company ever did. When the director said, “Cut. Print. That’s a wrap!” MASH was over and done forever. And I was there.
The last MASH episode shown on TV was the 2+ hour special ‘Goodbye, Farewell, And Amen’. But that wasn’t the last thing ever shot. The concluding special was already “in the can” (i.e., filmed, edited, and ready for showing) before the last regular 30-minute episode (‘As Time Goes By’) was completed.
The final shot of ‘As Time Goes By’ involved the burying of a time capsule by the principal MASH characters. I was fortunate enough to have been selected to be one of the few nameless G.I.s who were gathered around during the time capsule burial ceremony.
Looking back all these decades later – after “Time Has Gone By” – I realize what an honor it was to be included in that final shot when one of television’s all-time most beloved shows brought its 11-Season run to an end.
Below is a YouTube video I found of those final minutes prior to the last shot on MASH. If you pause it right at 3:38, on the right edge of the frame you’ll see one blurry, dark-haired guy standing amongst three or four women (he’s not tall, but he’s the tallest one in that group). That guy is Yours Truly. (You can also barely see me from 7:10 to 7:20 standing directly behind Father Mulcahy and partially obscured by a camera lens.)
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